Men who searched the web for those topless pictures of the recently deported Russian spy Anna Chapman and had weird torture and interrogation fantasies about her will perspire and get short of breath at the news that her dangerous body is freely available to have and to hold for as little as $30 - except she will be made of plastic.

But that probably doesn't matter.

US doll manufacturer Herobuilders.com - also responsible for plastic renditions of Barack Obama, Bernie Madoff and Sarah Palin - have created two versions of the spy. One is named "The Predator" and presents Chapman in white cropped vest, black jeans and a gun in her left hand. The second, "The Spy I Could Love" also holds a gun but is dressed in nothing more than a tartan skirt and so displaying her top secrets.

"I think she will probably be a long-term good seller," said Herobuilder's president Emil Vitale. "(But) she's going to have to graduate from stripper to X-rated movie star in order to beat Sarah Palin."

Bite me, Bite my dog

If you're fed up with creeps who take their dogs to restaurants with them, then this incident is not going to deter you from wanting to spit on them and shoot at their stupid pets with a BB gun.

A furore has broken out in Toronto after some burk - inevitably named Donald - took his Alsatian cross with him to church and the priest then gave Holy Communion to the creature.

"The minister welcomed me and said come up and take communion, and Trapper came up with me and the minster gave him communion as well," said Donald Keith. "Then he bent his head and said a little prayer," he added, somewhat ambiguously (does he mean the priest or the dog?).

The church has since received a torrent of emails from irate people, and the dog has been banned from receiving the sacrament. God help us.