50 things no man should do after the age of 30

From doing the rock salute and smoking cherry cigars to using pick-up lines and struggling to parallel park, Oliver Roberts lists the activities that men over 30 should abandon

1 Eat Niknaks. And then suck the yellow stuff off your fingers afterwards.

2 Use the term "awesomeness".

3 Wear sneakers with a tuxedo.

4 Read and quote from Paulo Coehlo.

5 Own a Velcro wallet.

6 Have a mohawk.

7 Do the rock salute at any time.

8 Take artsy self-portraits of himself and post them on Facebook.

9 Play air guitar (especially with a tennis racquet).

10 Drink Oros.

11 Pour water on a friend to wake them up.

12 Not know exactly where his passport/ID book is kept.

13 Spray deodorant all over himself instead of having a shower.

14 Wear jewellery with skulls on it.

15 Struggle to parallel park.

16 Show the peace sign in photographs.

17 Wear shorts to work.

18 Shave his legs (unless he's a professional cyclist).

19 Drink cheap whisky and smoke cherry cigars.

20 Have fuzzy dice hanging ironically from his rear-view mirror.

21 Use the term "that's so unfair".

22 Get jealous if another man looks at the woman he's with.

23 Drink beer through a funnel.

24 Be told by neighbours that his music is too loud.

25 Wear tanga briefs.

26 Have a name for his penis.

27 Own a porn magazine or DVD.

28 Perform wheel spins at traffic lights.

29 Vomit from drinking too much.

30 Actually sit down to eat at a fast-food joint.

31 Play fussball.

32 Have rude nicknames for his friends.

33 Tell stories about hilarious things that happened at "varsity".

34 Know the names of more than one popular FHM model and get excited when the new Sports Illustrated Swimwear edition comes out.

35 Be told by his girlfriend that it's time to wash his sheets.

36 Make owl sounds when the lights dim in the cinema.

37 Record a movie on his PVR just so he can fast forward to the sex scenes.

38 On that note, get excessively thrilled by the love scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in The Black Swan(As in: "Dude, that is, like, totally hot ...").

39 Blow a condom up like a balloon.

40 Feel compelled to make a random remark when in an elevator with a stranger.

41 Use a pick-up line.

42 Keep a book of jokes on top of his toilet cistern.

43 Phone his dad to ask for directions.

44 Moan about somewhere being "too far" to walk to.

45 Own a coffee table made from a Formula One tyre.

46 Run up an escalator that's going in the opposite direction to show off his athletic prowess.

47 Wear a watermelon helmet at the cricket.

48 Google the names of ex-girlfriends.

49 Pump his arms and shout "Yes!" when he receives good news or accomplishes something.

50 Join a crowd of people who are having free T-shirts or other items thrown at them and actually jump up to grab one.