I just bumped into a friend I haven't seen for ages. We chatted, the usual pleasantries. Eventually it rolled around to that inevitable place of all conversations:

ME: Soooo, are you still seeing that guy?

HER: Yes, I am.

ME: Wow, that's fantastic. You've been together for a while now, haven't you? Two years, right?

HER: Three actually.

ME: He seems really nice. *Pause*

HER: And the answer to your next question is no, we're not getting engaged yet.

ME: *Falling all over myself* No, I wasn't going to ask that, really I wasn't.

Although, in actual fact, I kind of was.

Which is ridiculous, because I absolutely hate it when people do that to me, and there I was, doing it myself.

It's not my fault. I'm blaming the human condition for this one. For some reason we just like things neat and tidy. We may not even be aware of it, but there's a specific order to life that subconsciously gives us some form of comfort. And whether we like to admit it or not, if people don't follow that preordained order, it can make our heads explode a little.

For example, when people find out that I'm in my mid-30s, still single and don't have any children or any intention to have any, it really seems to bother them. In fact, if I had R10 for every person who has told me they are going to pray for me to find a husband and have babies, I'd have enough cash to pay for my own lobola and a year's supply of nappies.

Usually I tell them not to waste a good prayer on me: Somalia and Sarah Palin need it way more than I do.

I recently heard some great news. A wonderful couple I know who have been together for some years have just announced their engagement. I'm willing to bet every Hail Mary I've ever received that even though they really are the most perfect soul mates who were always meant to be together, one of the reasons they finally decided to call it is so that people would just stop asking them already.

But unfortunately they've fallen into a classic trap, because this is only just the beginning. What none of us realise is that it's just never quite enough.

When you're single, everyone wants to know when you're going to meet someone.

Then when you meet someone, everyone wants to know when you're getting engaged. Then it's when are you setting a date? Then, at the wedding, everyone is already wondering how long till you have a baby. And after baby number one gets squeezed out, then when is baby number two coming? Come on, buck up, get a move on, we've got a schedule to keep here, people!

These questions usually come after a very prolonged "soooooo" containing way more "ohs" than is ever necessary. That's how you know the question is coming. Sooooo, how's your sex life? Soooo, who are you dating now? Sooo, when are you getting engaged? And on and on.

Just last year, at the launch of my latest novel, This Way Up, at least five people asked me: "Soooo, what are you working on? When is the next one coming out?"

Jeez, people! You haven't even read this one yet. What's the rush?

The same friend from paragraph one, who caught me out when I was about to ask the dreaded question, tells me it finally reached a head when she was at a wedding with her boyfriend recently and an elderly couple at their table went in with their Soooo. "Soooo, are we going to see you at your wedding next?" they asked.

"No," my friend said, spurred on by a bottle-and-a-half of JC Le Roux. "Are we going to see you at your funeral next?"

We're all hoping they were a little on the deaf side and didn't quite catch what she said.