The perils of fast food

Of all the sins a driver can commit, eating while driving has got to rank highly as a complete no no!

Granted, we tend to spend long periods of time in our vehicles and the numerous drive-through fast food establishments seem to have been set up just for our driving convenience.

But the truth is, nothing can be more visually disturbing than to see a fellow driver munching merrily on a leg of chicken.

Some will quickly respond by saying they can do anything they please in the privacy of their cars, which is true, but when your privacy is in full display of others, and in bumper-to-bumper traffic, you might want to reconsider.

Recently, I was quite horrified when, glancing into my rear view mirror; I froze at the sight of a well-dressed businessman using what seemed to be full cutlery to devour a meal.

A serviette was laid out on the dashboard, another had been tucked into his shirt and with one hand he manoeuvred his vehicle while gulping down something - which required a rather large spoon - with the other. The extent of my revulsion was compounded by the fact that he was also having an animated conversation in between mouthfuls, suggesting he was either on his mobile, or was giving himself a stern talking-to. I got to wondering if there are types of food one can eat with dignity while driving.

The most commonly accepted items seem to be beverages, such as soft drinks and coffee.

Unless drunk using a straw, raising a thermal mug or soft drink container can obstruct your vision, but a spill may have disastrous consequences.

The shock of hot coffee on your lap or chest would be terribly painful and could further cause a bit of erratic driving.

That would make for an interesting insurance report and a more fascinating explanation to your partner come bedtime!

Fruit is also a popular food item but, depending on the type of fruit, you might not want to do that either.

Due to adult entertainment, the banana has lost its sense of innocence and plums, or other small fruit, should not be eaten in public unless by a child.

Apples, pears and the like are commonplace, while one should not hope to be able to peel and eat an orange while driving.

Chewing gum is a disgusting habit and is an unwelcome sight at any time of the day.

There is absolutely nothing dignified about chomping your own jaws, or worse still, blowing bubble gum bubbles, which explode onto your face.

It was only cute when you were a cheeky little seven-year-old, but using your tongue to peel gum off your face as a 27-year-old adult is cause for professional clinical intervention.

My pet worst food to eat in traffic are burgers and, of course, chicken pieces.

A juicy burger is usually of mega proportions and in civilised society might require a knife, unless you really can dislocate your jaws and lock them back into place after your meal.

The only time your mouth should be open that wide should be at the dentist, not in peak traffic. And considering that some burgers require two hands just to keep the contents from spilling, one should not be trying to drive and eat at the same time.

Having sauce on the corners of your mouth, or a piece of burger meat wedged in your front teeth, or worst of all, onion breath should be considered a traffic violation punishable by having your picture posted at all fast food outlets with the caption: Do Not Serve. Customer Is Liable To Eat In Traffic and Cause Injury To Self And Others.

There are more chicken outlets than there are any other kinds of fast food, and the sight of people eating a greasy piece of chicken in traffic is nothing short of an atrocious crime against humanity.

I don't know if I am the only one, but I suspect that many readers may have been transfixed by the sight of fellow drivers licking their fingers while eating deep-fried chicken.

How on earth can one expect to get a good grip on the slippery steering wheel, to say nothing about the smell within the vehicle?

In fact, it should be written in the Constitution that it is a violation of basic human rights for motorists to eat while driving, as it poses such a morbid fascination to others that it is likely to cause accidents.

When hungry and far away from home, by all means do visit a fast food outlet. But rather, eat on their premises, so that you are once again a respected member of the driving community once back on the road.