Nancy Richards finds cruising offers a whole shipload of friends and global job opportunities

CHRISTIAN Alecse is coaxing a would-be Naomi Campbell (give or take a few kilograms) into a cover girl pose. He demonstrates with the tilt of his hip and teases the shawl off her shoulder. Click! Magic! Her friend steps onto the bright red backdrop with her, they hold shoulders, flash smiles in unison, twin tilts. Click, click. Fabulous!

Watching this little pantomime in the Italian-born MSC Sinfonia's reception area, where Alecse has set up a makeshift studio for the evening, we realise the Romanian speaks almost no English and relies heavily on the universal body-language of glamour. It works. The results, posted in the PhotoShop gallery the next day, are winners. Between them, the half-dozen cruise photographers shoot and print around 20000 pictures in the three days, so everyone's memories are well and truly covered.

But it's not always easy. Another cameraman spends the best part of two hours knee deep in water, snapping passengers in life jackets reeling off the flotilla of inflatable boats that shuttle between the mother ship and the hot sands of Portuguese Island.

This mass disembarkation is another piece of theatre as Malcolm Young and his muscle-bound mates hoist us swiftly ashore.

I'd bumped into Young and his volunteer team earlier, packing in bacon and eggs at La Terrazza on Debussy deck, and appreciated now that they needed the energy. A one-time phys-ed teacher, Young's been doing this for years and loves it. So do the team, because after all the island lifting and shifting, they get passenger status for the rest of the cruise.

Also earning her keep on the island is Princess Msomi. Followed by a human shoal, she's guiding a walk around the 6.2km coastline. She stops, explains how a giant white-and-orange starfish feeds through the hole in its underbelly. The waters around the island are a marine reserve, so she reminds the shoal that under no circumstances should they take any sand dollars or coral florets home. Next day back on the ship, Msomi, whose day job is at uShaka Marine World, gives a talk on the secrets of the sea in the plush business centre.

With upwards of 2000 passengers and nearly 800 crew, it's surprising how quickly one's fellow shipmates become familiar.

There's a complete cross-section of South Africa on board in every age, size and culture and you can see how potential for shipboard romance would be high. Then take the waiters (not romantically, of course). You don't necessarily get on first-name terms because, coming from Samoa and Malaysia as they do, you couldn't pronounce them, but they are recognisable by their individual cheery smiles.

It's harder to bond at the breakfast buffet, however, where long queues are testimony to how the sea air works up an appetite.

"How many eggs do you crack in a morning?" I enquired of a man bent over a sizzling griddle.

"Eleven hundred," he replied, snapping another shell.

I learnt later from the captain himself, Ciro Pinto, that the total egg count for the whole cruise is 17000, plus 14000kg vegetables, 9000kg fruit and 4000l of milk.

"And how many beers?" He laughed, either not knowing or not telling . well, at least nobody has to drive home.

On statistics, incidentally, I was interested to know there could be as many as seven weddings on a cruise - beautiful couple Adele and Nico Scheepers from Durban had just tied the knot in a short ceremony in the Sinfonia lounge. Unfortunately, Captain Pinto hadn't been able to do the honours because, at the time, he was busy negotiating an emergency airlift for an ailing passenger bound for Richard's Bay hospital. Never a dull moment on board.

Checking out the medical centre, I noted with interest that you can have anything from minor bandaging and blood pressure control to ICU observation. And if you've been stricken with sea-sickness, according to the moustachioed executive chef Pietro Roccasalvo, "You can choosa from da special menu," something non-gastrically challenging such as lightly grilled chicken breast or plain pasta. Though I'd say he got more of a kick out of organising the Saturday midnight feast on the pool deck, featuring sushi, turtle breads and watermelons carved to look like tiki masks.

Among the other faces that become increasingly familiar are those of the Dream Team entertainers, who lead a busy schedule of disco moves, stretch classes, quizzes and the like, the Vegas style dancers, Ukrainian acrobats, Balinese masseuses, croupiers, barmen and social hostesses - many of whom fall under the watchful eye of cruise director and comedian Stephen Cloete. He's a sort of catch-all information source, who also co-ordinates the daily activities newsletter (on-board print run about 2500). He reveals that entertainment virtually has a village to itself in crews quarters below decks. Everyone else is grouped in sort of hierarchical order - officers, engineers and electricians, medics, the 100-or-so cooks, maintenance men, techies and, of course, the cleaning squad.

It was housekeeper manager Hurnam Samraj who gave us a tour of the laundry, a breathtaking hothouse of throbbing machinery which takes the term ship-shape to a new level. Massive washing and drying machines rotate 24 hours, stopping only to have their filters cleared of sand and lint. A mighty web-bed mangle the width of a cricket pitch flattens an infinity of sheets (two sets per cabin, one on, one off); racks of spotless white uniforms and waiters waistcoats; separate dry-cleaning machine for passengers' personals; and an Everest of colour-coded towels - white (cabin), orange (sun-deck), blue (island). I was starting to sway at the size of the task at hand, or maybe it was the swell beneath our feet - when, in the corner, I spotted a lone gentleman at a sewing machine.

"Nothing goes to waste here," explained the impeccably starched Samraj. "When the towels get worn, we cut and sew them into cleaning cloths."

Through his bobbins, Nasir Muhammad looked up from his hemming and smiles. Now, had we spoken the same language, what stories we could have shared. - Richards was a guest of MSC Starlight Cruises

IF YOU GO

MSC's South African cruise season runs from November 2010 to May 2011, with two to 17 nights around the coast and islands ex Durban and Cape Town. Prices vary according to the season and category of accommodation. Children under 18 cruise for free (maximum of two children, accompanied by two adults). Food and entertainment are all-inclusive - check the website for extras and port charges. A three-night cruise from Durban to Portuguese Island and back costs from R4320 a head. For more information, visit www.msccruises.co.za or call 011 807 5111.

ISLAND STYLE

There is nothing at all on Portuguese Island but sand, vegetation and, on cruise-landing days, traders from neighbouring Inhaca . Everything taken ashore for the one-day braai and bar is brought back again, including the rubbish. At additional cost, you can book to go snorkelling, kayaking, whale watching, game fishing, trampolining or walking - or take an island-hopper to Inhaca ($10) and pay a guide to show you round, then drop into Lucas's restaurant for a juicy plate of prawns and a 2M beer.