Explosive Audi kicks RS

With two hefty speeding fines leaving my bank account looking about as attractive as a fist of Greek unit trusts, I decided it was time to play it safe.

Road tests needed to be done but in vehicles slower off the mark than Usain Bolt and less thirsty than a 20-year-old Aussie at a German Beerfest; something like the Kia Picanto, a Hyundai i20 or even a Nissan Micra, would do fine (pardon the pun!).

These are vehicles that, when driven sensibly, are hardly going to bother the men in uniform lurking behind roadside bushes waiting to ambush you with the ruthlessness of rhino poachers.

It was time for vehicles that would not seduce drivers into flouting laws with speeds that are more suited to the race track.

But then I got that fateful telephone call. "The Audi RS 5 coupé is downstairs waiting to be tested!"

I guessed that, in the line of duty and with sensibility and practicality - both of which in large doses can ultimately lead to boredom - would just have to wait for another day.

It was time to live that motto "life's for living" and the RS 5 was going to be the perfect way to live it to the full.

A quick glance at the media information sheet before powering up the engine made my hands clammy - a spine-chilling 0-100km/h dash in 4.5 seconds and a top speed of 280km/h - all thanks to a more than generous 4163cc engine kicking out 331kW would be enough to get me spending many a long night in a cell with JubJub.... if I got caught that is (which judging by my recent past was more likely to happen than not!)

So, for a large part of the time I spent behind the wheel of the RS 5, it was a tedious trial of sticking to rules of the road and not attempting anything stupid.

But, after two days of this self-inflicted misery I was ready to let rip, tickle the car's underbelly and see how the beast revealed itself - and it was scary; actually, very scary. For me there is only one place and time in Gauteng, other than a racetrack, where you can get the true feel of a performance car: early morning in the Kromdraai area west of Johannesburg, which not only provides a beautiful backdrop, but also long sweeping roads that are relatively quiet.

It's worth noting, though, that speed humps have been built on some of the roads so, before you decide to let rip, it pays to recce the route to avoid any unnecessary incidents.

Upon powering up the RS 5, the red needles of the speedometer and rev counter race to the limiter before settling back to zero and the engine doesn't let out a bark like, say, the C63, but more of a rumbling sound that subsides once the engine is nicely warmed up.

That menacing sound is matched perfectly by its low-slung, devilishly good looks.

From those two stomping bazookas announcing to the world its evil intentions, to the 20-inch slabs of rubber keeping you clinging to mother earth, the RS 5 oozes attitude.

Devilishly sexy, but in a classy way, the RS 5 does tend to fly under the radar, which suited me just fine.

Four driving modes are available depending on your mood - comfort, auto, dynamic and individual.

While the characteristics of the steering, gearbox and accelerator are altered according to your selection, each provides an exhilarating drive. Plant that accelerator with savage intent and the initial thrust storms your senses and wakes you up like an early morning double espresso.

It is seriously quick and, as the speedometer arches towards its governed top speed of 280km/h, you better make sure you have your wits about you because things could end up very messy.

Keep it sensible and it handles as one would expect of a vehicle in this class and price range; it doesn't disappoint in any department.

This high level of precision flows through to an interior finish that has become synonymous with Audi .

The standard sports seats are power adjustable, covered in a combination of black leather and Alcantara, while RS 5 motifs are tastefully used. Of course, quattro permanent all-wheel drive is standard, as are the xenon plus headlights framed by narrow strips of LED daytime running lights; and expect the spoiler in the rear hatch to pop up when you hit the 120km/h mark. The leather multifunction sport steering wheel, with its thick rim, is flattened at the bottom for that sportscar feel.

If there is a downside to driving the RS 5, it is the frantic pace at which it guzzles juice. While Audi may claim it is more economical than some of its competitors, make sure you have your petrocard; you will use it more often than you think.

But for fun-seeking RS 5 owners, fuel consumption will be the last thing on their minds.