Hogarth: Hogarth knows no political allegiance and is equally impatient with ideological lunacy be it peddled by the left, the right or the centre.

Revealed: how Zuma dodges speed traps

President Zuma is the envy of the Twittersphere, where status is measured by the number of people who sign up to follow your tweets. His Twitter audience went from nought to 27361 after he thumbed out just 33 messages such as: "Our people have declared their will through the ballot box and ours is to obey and fulfil their wishes."

Being the politician he is, however, Prez Zuma is more interested in telling than listening. Despite the horde following him, he follows only one other tweeter and that is his other self at PresidencyZA.

In the absence of pointers from the man himself on who else to follow, the Twitter server suggests accounts it considers "similar to SAPresident": DJFresh, Redi Tlhabi and ... PigSpotter.

Incoherent comrade

MAWETHU Rune, number two in the communist playschool, leapt to the defence this week of SACP general secretary Blade Nzimande, who seems to be losing followers as fast as Prez Zuma signs them up.

"But for it knows that it does not enjoy support within structures then as its composition of political elites they have embarked in utilising the positions the working class have entrusted them within and outside the Communist Party organs to wage restless campaign to discredit the party and expose that it is only them who are genuine leaders of the party.

"We know that at hands of working class to be their own liberators is possible when their vanguard is coherent and strong with clear articulated mass orientated popular campaigns.

"We desist to ... be fixated with physicality with Cde Nzimande or Cronin or erratic ideological symposium that is revisionist but we must constantly learn and apply theory that seek to find solutions to arrogant material challenges of working class. We must continue to be found in realm of daily working class struggles that continue not to recite poverty and brunt and brutality of capitalism."

Confused comrade

WELL pleased with his epic rant, Rune concludes: "We will only achieve the above if we do not mobilise all our forces, and devote all our energies to the struggle for the realisation of our South African Road to Socialism & Medium Term Vision." Well, good. Then don't.

Cranky comrade

IN the same vein, Hogarth had a stiff note from another young communist insisting that his club was no "playschool".

"The YCLSA strongly feels having been ideologically and politically mutilated by your malicious editorship by the said caption within the bounds of immeasurable human proportions. These intentional, malicious editorship is refuted by the YCLSA with the editorial contempt it deserves. The YCLSA therefore directs an unconditional public retraction ... as a matter of human immediacy." Sorry, old chap. Try the ANC kindergarten across the corridor.

How to lose positively

FORMER kindergarten prefect Malusi Gigaba had a few stiff letters of his own after his public enterprises budget speech to parliament this week.

First he had to concede that it was 25 long-range A330 jetliners and not obsolete short-range Airbus A300s he was buying for SAA.

Then he explained that when he told MPs "the majority of Denel's business entities remain loss-making", he had meant to say: "Whilst the trading losses in the other entities have been brought down, with some showing positive results, a few of Denel's business entities remain financially challenged."

Bottomless pits

WE just can't get away from toilet politics. Tamie Mpotulo, a director in the Department of Housing, admitted to MPs that a R100-million project to boost rural amenities had delivered only 8368 DIY pit latrines. MPs heard that some people were paid R80 to dig their own loos and others R150. By Hogarth's arithmetic, the budget divided by the holes dug implies an average cost of R11900 per toilet, which leaves a very big hole of a different kind.

Write to: hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za

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Hogarth: 05 June 2011

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