Skinny or fat, why do we teach girls to hate each other for their bodies?

This all began with a search for some good comfortable jeans.

I’ve always been a size 8 since high school but somehow stores don’t seem to agree with me. It seems that for females image has become one of those complicated conversations we can’t seem to discuss but always want to talk about. Truth is this all really started with Nicki Minaj’s Twitter rant, her mention of the ‘skinny girl’ just didn’t settle well with me.

If your video celebrates women with very slim bodies, you will be nominated for vid of the year                          

— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) July 21, 2015

You see I come from a family of different body sizes. My mom has curves in all the right places and my sisters have tall legs and curves - those “model type’’ bodies but somehow I developed the athletic big busted body. For me body was never a problem. In fact, I am probably the biggest pervert on earth when it comes to female bodies simply because I find every inch of their body beautiful.

So back to Nicki Mnaj her ‘big’ song Anaconda seemed to do the opposite of what I was taught in life and that was to create a line between females and somehow pit them against each other in terms of looks and sexuality. Lines such as:

I wanna see all the big fat ass bitches in the motherfucking club
Fu** you if you skinny bitches. What? Yeah. Ha-ha, ha...

These lyrics sparked concern. Not just concern over the fact that a new kind of hatred was being manufactured but at the idea of a young girl growing up knowing that being skinny or big-boned is a societal problem. My concern was over the fact that somewhere out there a girl who listens to hip hop and sees it as a source of inspiration and yet she’s being told that being skinny is not good enough.

How some women have drilled it into their skulls that image is a representation of who you are and of what you are as a person.

The world has let girls to believe that skinny girls are loose and are always eager to have a good time no matter what the cost.

The world has taught girls to think that skinny girls are mean and will steal your boyfriend or husband and are not the brightest crayon in the box.

The world has taught big girls to believe that they lack confidence and will do anything and everything to please a man to or keep a friend.

The world has taught big girls to think that everyone hates them for being big and that their main purpose is to play second fiddle to everybody else.

The world has taught girls to hate each other and has created this feud based on image.

Girls are no longer judged on how smart they are or how fast they run or how handy they can be. But according to ‘hip-hop’ the only thing that matters is how you look.

Why do we hate each other so much? Why can’t we just get along or at least try to pretend to get along?

The biggest injustice is enduring pain at the hand of another woman no matter how she looks or who she is. The idea of another woman inflicting pain to another woman is enough to cause permanent damage.

And yet we spend huge amounts of money on trying to fight injustices caused by the opposite sex. We spend zero amount and time on each other. We use countless words teaching men how to treat us and how to speak to us and yet we expend no effort at all trying to educate our fellow females in how to speak to each other and how to respect each other.

We spend worthless amounts of energy trying to teach young boys to be kind and loving but forget to teach the young girl how to love other young girls.

We spend time teaching the girl on how to empower herself and not be a victim but forget how to teach her to not be a bully. We have become so invested in fixing the male and teaching him how to act but we forget to teach ourselves on how to behave.

Why do we hate each other so much?

Why do we spend petty time dragging down each other? Why do we make it our mission to say nasty things to each other and make each other feel ugly inside? How do we expect to respect each other when we can’t even spend a second being nice to each other?

Here is my challenge to all the women of today. Write down ten things you genuinely like about yourself and try to find those things in another woman.

Now how can you be the source of that women’s heartache when you share the same thread? Spread love instead of hate. Spread encouragement instead of despair. Be the person you want to see in others and if you can’t be that person, then let someone be him or her. As my mother always says to me, if you have nothing nice to say about people don’t say anything at all.

Having said that, my name is Jennifer.

I am a size 8 but a size 10, 12 and 14 according to stores. So, if clothes are against me, why would I want to inflict that struggle on someone else?