In my weekly musing I often refer to the odd assortment of philistines I loosely call my friends as "the riffraff I consort with" to the amusement of many readers.
It's Cadbury, not Castle, for me and my liver
I am a child of the '70s and '80s. It was a kinder, gentler time.
Sometimes the worst crime is getting caught. The international war against drugs is possibly the worst waste of resources on the planet next to the so-called war on terror.
Why small-talking strangers strike fear in my soul. I tragically found myself seated inside one of those torture chambers euphemistically referred to as doctors' waiting rooms the other day.
My veneer of composure is as thick as a layer of soap. I wonder how many people saw the footage of that spine-chilling road-rage incident in Bloemfontein a few weeks ago.
Or, does anybody know why we hoard totally useless stuff?
I may not know much about art but I know what I like
Or, why a hyena in the Kruger might need a toothpick
I do it every time - pick them up and then wish I hadn't
In the circles in which I move I am notorious for not possessing an iota of dress sense. I am often the butt of jokes and many a snide remark as a result. What most of them don't realise is that I actually have an acute appreciation of style.
I have reached that age where my body is starting to get Cosatu tendencies; belligerent and uncooperative.
If you're female they might mistake your boep for a bump
Without car guards, would we ever get out of the mall?
If you prefer to avoid reality, don't talk to children
If rising from the dead, just make sure your teeth match
During my birthday party a few weeks ago, my mother stood up and made an unscheduled and unscripted speech. I'm certain she did it just to embarrass me.
... always on the sidelines while the others are at the Oscars
I'm not what you would call an animal-rights activist by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, if the bushy-armed folk from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals knew I'd probably massacred millions of cockroaches, flies and mosquitoes in my life they'd toyi-toyi outside my house.
Never use a proper verb - it might raise expectations
THIS is always a mildly unsettling time of the year for me. If you're thinking, "Isn't it unsettling for everyone, though?", please stop it - it's too early in the year to be a smartass. The reason for my unique brand of disquiet is due to a particularly stubborn strain of natural contrarianism located deep inside my whiskey-soaked psyche.
Help! Is it end-of-year-itis or the onset of senility?
I tried to succeed at sport. Any sport. I really did, but ...
It's that time of the year when the procrastinators among us are busy finalising holiday destinations. This is often cause for great consternation for my better half.
Sies. Phoo. My nose knows where you've been
I wonder how many of you are aware that the Axe television - advert depicting angels falling from the sky to seek an unattractive geek wearing the deodorant - has been pulled off air.
When I was 10 years old, I falsely claimed that Nokuzola Ngubane had "crowned" me, i.e., agreed to be my girlfriend. Before you counter-revolutionaries judge me too harshly, consider the context. It was a high-pressure situation.
If they also had personalities, dinner parties would improve
Thanks to modern medicine, euphoria is just a sneeze away
I made a casual remark to a friend this week, expressing my admiration for a couple who'd just celebrated 15 years of marriage.
I have never truly and fully appreciated the allure of the nightclub. Granted; when I was in my late teens and early 20s, I patronised nightclubs with incredible regularity. But that doesn't really count.
I have a confession to make. I'm not much of a rugby fan. When people ask me where I was on that June afternoon in 1995, I always look away sheepishly and mumble something inaudible, like Pitso, the Bafana coach.
And a loss to wallet-raider over R100 that deserved better
An injury to one, especially Juju, is no concern of mine
Or why I should never be invited to address Parliament
How to become really frightened in one easy thought
Please don't let people like me vote this country into ruin
All I need is a tweed jacket and a few polysyllabic words
In the much talked-about stand-off between public protector Thuli Madonsela and national police commissioner Bheki Cele, there's a character who seems to be getting off scot-free, the Minister of Public Works, Gwen Mahlangu-Nkabinde, whose head should also roll.