Hogarth: 07August 2011

Hogarth does not suffer fools lightly and is compulsive reading for the millions of South Africans who share this intolerance.

It isn't ayoba to step on the greenhouse gas, comrades

THANDI Tobias-Pokolo may be just a deputy minister - trade and industry if you, too, have never noticed her - but already a blue-light convoy is not enough for her ample ego.

As she put it on her Facebook page: "South Africans, please! Stop contributing to traffic congestion and greenhouse gas emission! Use public transport! U making us late! We are running the country! Buy bicycles, motorbikes, use the Gautrain! Please I really beg for your indulgence! Stop being uptight, it's not ayoba! Amandla!"

Hear that, Patrice, Cyril, Wendy?

Going off the rails

SHE said in another post: "Wow, just saw the Blue Train." If she had bothered to read the handbook that came with the job, in the well-thumbed what's-in-it-for-me section, she would have seen that she is entitled to ride the Blue Train for free. And probably the Gautrain, too.

Allowing for inflation

THE great debate about creating state secrets and keeping them from the Fourth Estate got down to the fundamental question of punishment this week.

Debating what to do to someone who wilfully destroys valuable information, the ANC's Luwellyn Landers proposed three years in jail. The DA's David Maynier pointed out that the National Archives Act prescribed two years for the same offence.

Said Landers: "If 15 years ago it was deemed to be okay to jail someone for two years, 11 years hence it should be increased."

"Why, is there inflation on jail?" asked the IFP's Mario Ambrosini.

Beauty is skin deep

IT is no secret that we South Africans are a light-fingered lot. We even had a cabinet minister with a penchant for pocketing the cutlery at royal banquets.

MPs were warned this week that underpaid nurses could be nicking discarded foreskins from hospital garbage cans - up to 2.3 million of them every year. Apparently the pharmaceutical industry pays good money for the little morsels, which can be used in the production of anti-wrinkle cream.

Biting the hand that feeds

THIS from the irreverent UK gossip website Popbitch about another South African human-tissue export: "Kevin Pietersen's cricket club, Surrey, are sponsored by Kia cars. At one recent event, as the county's most famous player, KP was sent to the event along with one of Kia's big cheeses. The top brass was chatting about the brand, and acknowledged that while very popular in the UK, it didn't yet have a top-class brand image.

"KP, known throughout the cricket world for his diplomacy and ability to make small talk, turned round and told the Kia boss: 'Mate, you don't have an image problem. Your cars are sh*t.'"

New friends, old enemies

THE ANC kindergarten's rehabilitation of the recently reviled Thabo Mbeki is gaining momentum. Former ANCYL leader Fikile Mbalula quoted him extensively in a speech this week and adopted Mbeki's trademark term for the enemies within, referring repeatedly to them as "some among us".

Counting his chickens

AS much as Mbalula's style reflected that of the deposed native intelligence, myriad grammatical errors proved his speech was not written by Mbeki himself.

Nor did Mbalula mean reporters had impugned the courage of the police when they had "cried fowl" over the arrest of Hogarth's colleague Mzilikazi wa Afrika.

Brickbats and bouquets

LESS loved in the kindergarten playground was former head prefect Malusi Gigaba, who, as minister of public enterprises, was quite rude about Wee Julius Malema's plan to steal the mines. "... some people who led the ANCYL for many years ... never had any impact, nor influenced any policy shift ... The only thing known about some people is government flowers," they said in a reference to Gigaba's use of a government credit card to buy flowers for his wife.

Write to: hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za