Forget beer, buy up Australia

There has been a weeping and a wailing and a general gnashing of teeth Down Under after brewing giant Foster's was bought by those odious upstarts from South Africa.

Until a few weeks ago, SABMiller's hostile bid for the Australian beer-maker was being dismissed with words like "over our dead bodies" and "insulting". Then SABMiller upped the price a bit and suddenly all was tickety boo and the offer was accepted.

After the deal was done, the Weekly Times newspaper quoted Lynne Wilkinson, CEO of AusBuy (like Proudly South African but for Australians) as saying: "If Australia continues selling its wealth-creating assets, we'll have little ability to pay off rising foreign debts."

The Aussies, in other words, are taking the sale of the brewer - which once advertised its flagship product as being "Australian for beer" - rather seriously.

Sydney Morning Herald columnist Ian Verrender wasn't convinced that all the hullabaloo was entirely necessary. "For some, the fall of Foster's represented the last straw in the moral decay of corporate Australia as the nation rushes headlong into oblivion," he wrote.

"Vegemite fell into evil foreign hands years ago, along with Speedo cozzies, Iced Vovos, Aeroplane Jelly and Victa lawnmowers."

Speedo and Vegemite I know about (the latter is a rather delicious Marmite-like sandwich spread), but Iced Vovos and Aeroplane Jelly - what on Earth are they, and how does a proud nation feel its moral worth has been dented because some filthy rich Singaporean or Korean has seen fit to buy them?

Verrender reckoned that grown-up Australian businesses could look after themselves and even compete on the international stage: "BHP Billiton, the world's biggest miner, is still headquartered in Melbourne. It didn't get to number one by staying in Broken Hill. While Australia represents one of its most profitable operations, it has mines and oil rigs scattered about the globe. Let's not forget our banks pretty much own New Zealand and have ambitions towards Asia and Europe." (So now I know who owns New Zealand; I've always wondered.)

It seems Foster's had become its own worst enemy by the time London-listed SABMiller breezed in to Melbourne, cheque books blazing.

Businessman John Elliott was practically apoplectic about the Japies snatching such a national treasure.

Foster's management, he reckoned, had run the company into the ground over the past decade, making it a prime takeover target. "We built the fourth-biggest brewer in the world and all they [the useless fools running Foster's in the past 10 years] did was undo it and went into the wine industry and it cost them just on A$6-billion, so the management and the board have been lamentable."

Australia, it seems, is ripe for the plucking. Instead of doing its little bit to help bail out Europe, maybe our government should think big, follow SABMiller's example and buy up Australia.

It seems that, if it strikes now, it will get New Zealand for free.