A lesson in sticking to the main attractions

09 November 2011 - 02:00 By Bandit at Large
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The Bandit painstakingly hand- picks a crew perfectly suited to a raid on Bryanston's uber-swish, ultra-stylish and fingerlickingly sexy La Campagnola restaurant.

In nearly no time at all, the beautiful Distraction has on her gladdest rags and going-out face.

Parking at the Hobart Centre, corner Hobart and Grosvenor roads, is at a nerve-wracking premium. Reservations only, it would appear - a small detail that could land the Bandit in a world of trouble.

Old pro that he is, the on-the-ball waiter ticking off arrivals against the bookings list at the door recognises the desperation underpinning the Bandit's apparently confident request for a table - and then plays it for all that it is worth.

"Hmmmn," he mutters as he pores over his list. "Ahhh . Maybe . let . me . just . check. Hmmn. Yes. We can do it."

The Bandit's ticker settles into a more relaxed groove.

Happy as a clam - and as oblivious, thank goodness - the Distraction orders oysters to start. So good are they that she offers, grudgingly, only the smallest one as a taster.

The Bandit's Parma ham starter served with black fig and rocket could so easily be magnificent - if the ham was paper thin, the fig bursting with ripeness and the dull- rocket dressed with a little olive oil.

The kitchen, though, hits the jackpot with two main course specials - a perfectly grilled, succulent pork cutlet served with a way-beyond-the-call-of-duty wholegrain mustard and brandy sauce; and a rib-eye steak topped with a gremolata that is only a hint more lemon zest and chopped parsley away from perfect. Plain, lightly steamed vegetables are a masterstroke of restraint.

Dessert reminds the crew why its collective memory of past visits dwells mostly on La Campagnola's main courses.

The lemon tart is a ham-fisted nod to a classic dessert - the waxy pastry too thick and the grainy filling overbaked. The panna cotta has all the voluptuous quiver but none of the velvet creaminess of an older, more grateful woman's breast - perhaps because in this neck of the woods, real ones are so hard to get your hands on.

The Score:

Parma ham and fig: **

Pork cutlet: *****

Panna cotta: ***

Damage: Have a smoke and a single malt in the cigar lounge while the bank processes the loan application.

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