Adopt five Ps or get your sorry butts kicked harder

Safa's silly suits' new year resolution must be to 'prepare properly to prevent poor performance'

COMPLICATIONS of the new revolution. That's my take on all the yada yada associated with the new year.

'Tis the season for resolutions. Mine is to kick Safa's butt harder than before because those blokes have taken us for granted for too bloody long. I hope the powers-that-be have cushioned their posteriors well because I have bought brand-new size 11s for good measure.

The association's first resolution must be to improve their planning.

How do you announce you will play India on January 7 and turn around and tell the nation late in December the game has been cancelled because India had a prior arrangement on the same day?

How the hell do you plan for a Four- Nation tournament to coincide with the Africa Cup of Nations when the said mickey mouse tournament has all the hallmarks of becoming a counter-attraction to the premier competition on the continent?

The second resolution should be to stop their obsession with hosting an indaba where they will discuss a date for a lekgotla whose agenda will be to determine the date for the next meeting.

I propose that Safa adopt the five Ps by Michael Gaddy - an Army veteran of Vietnam, Grenada and Beirut - as their New Year's resolution.

To the uninitiated, the five Ps stand for "proper preparation prevents poor performance".

I am pushing for five Ps because Safa were operating on 12 Ps last year, which Wikipedia might explain as: piss poor planning promotes piss poor performance, piss poor performance promotes pain.

Those who know that our men's national teams did not go to the dogs, but met the dogs halfway through last year, know the pain we suffered in 2011. Those dismal displays from the juniors to the seniors undermined our claim to be a proud footballing nation.

But while they operate as a collective at Safa, individuals also have personal resolutions.

I strongly suggest Safa president Kirsten "Crisis, What Crisis?" Nematandani resolve to stop apologising this year. If I hear yet another apology, askies or sorry coming out of his mouth, I will not apologise for my reaction. Struesbob!

Vice-president Mwelo Nonkonyana must resolve to pay the sangoma who claims his ancestral antics helped Bafana beat France in the 2010 World Cup.

The bone thrower and muti connoisseur from Ulundi swears the senior men's national team will never win unless Safa pay him the balance of the R90000 bill. Bafana last won a match when they beat Burkina Faso in August.

I suspect that for Danny Jordaan the resolution would be back to basics now that the dream of conquering Cosafa, or earning a Fifa executive committee seat via Caf, has been deferred.

Scheduling friendly matches against credible opposition should be the goal of the Safa suits.

So as they head to their indaba to discuss a lekgotla where a date to convene a meeting will be confirmed, I hope the silky-suited souls are aware that, having given the nation the notion that they are clueless clowns, they are calling on all and sundry to tell them what to do.

If you are in charge but only succeed in apologising all year, you are out of your depth, my friends.