Hogarth does not suffer fools lightly and is compulsive reading for the millions of South Africans who share this intolerance.

You can't keep a short, chubby annoying man down

The ANC barred Julius Malema from sharing the limelight at its centenary celebration rally, but it couldn't stop him from staging a series of "mini rallies" in the Free State where he continued to do everything he possibly could to annoy Zuma.

At Maqaka, the gathered youth sang "Malema re rapedise rea e sokolela. Shawara ya re sokodisa," which translates as "Malema pray for us, we are suffering. The shower is giving us problems."

It looks like Malema's "shower man" pose, where he holds his hand above his head like a shower rose, has caught on in the Free State.

Malema's response to being silenced at the main rally was: "I am not here to speak ... President Zuma will speak on behalf of all of us. He was elected, whether we like him or not." Hogarth thinks Juju has taken the "or not" option.

The missing struggle icon

HOGARTH couldn't help noticing the highway banners in which the 100-year-old ANC acknowledged the leaders of other countries that had supported it during its liberation struggle.

There were big banners of Cuba's Fidel Castro and Mozambique's Samora Machel.

And then there was the banner honouring the struggle's Zimbabwean ally. But instead of the face of Bob Mugabe, the ANC chose to use a portrait of his arch rival, Joshua Nkomo, who had worked closely with its exiles.

Could that explain why Mugabe was not among the "46 heads of state" said to be attending the celebrations?

Turns out it's in his blood

THE search for the heart and soul of the ANC is over. Hogarth can reveal that the party's most fervent supporter, the man most intimately tied to its history, is none other than Mangosuthu Buthelezi, who has cleverly disguised himself as its arch enemy for several decades.

Buthelezi came out of the closet this week, saying: "Dr Pixley ka Isaka Seme was the founder of the African National Native Congress. He was also my uncle.

"I grew up in the ANC Youth League at the University of Fort Hare. I was taught by Professor ZK Matthews, I knew Dr John Langalibalele Dube, I was mentored by Inkosi Albert Luthuli, and I worked closely with Mr Oliver Tambo and Mr Nelson Mandela. My personal history cannot be extricated from the history of the liberation struggle, or from that of the African National Congress."

Is it too late for the chief to get his name on the slate for Mangaung?

Speaking of blood ...

THE top Google search result for "ANC 100" has nothing to do with the liberation movement.

The search turns up a medical term, the Absolute Neutrophil Count. "The ANC refers to the total number of neutrophil granulocytes present in the blood."

She's not a good sport

ANC chairwoman Baleka Mbete told journalists in Bloemfontein on Wednesday that Deputy President Kgalema Motlanthe would "kick off" a ceremonial golf tournament at 9am on Friday.

ANC spokesman Jackson Mthembu, who as far as Hogarth knows is not a keen golfer, had to step in to inform bewildered journos that Motlanthe would be "teeing off", not "kicking off".

Mbete was on form, telling journalists that the centenary area had been declared a "no-fly zone".

"We were having nightmares about Brother Leader coming here," she said, referring to the late Muammar Gaddafi.

Welcome, little brother

STILL on the subject of the centenary, Hogarth would like to welcome the ANC to the 100 Club.

The august newspaper which carries this column turned 100 six years ago, which makes it the ANC's elder. A little more respect, perhaps?

• Write to hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za