Or is it his teesra? But never mind all that; they could not even work out the orthodox left-arm spin of Abdur Rehman.

The impenetrable wall that was once has crumbled as if it were the Berlin Wall in 1989.

Andrew Strauss and Alastair Cook's once happy marriage is showing strain, Jonathan Trott is not providing enough Polyfilla FOR the cracks and Kevin Pietersen might be wishing he could play for the Dolphins B side to get some time in the middle.

Even match-winning offspinner Graeme Swann, looks like a rank novice compared to Pakistan's magicians.

Pakistan, on their adopted home soil in the UAE, lead the three-test series 2-0, having beaten England with as much confidence as Andrew Strauss' men showed in whitewashing India a few months ago.

Now India have slipped even further. MS Dhoni's team was whitewashed a second time, in Australia, but the players buried their embarrassment somewhere in the time warp that they are stuck in.

Instead of responding to eight successive defeats away from home by wielding the axe where it should most obviously have been used, Indiahave clung to stalwarts like VVS Laxman, Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar by their bloody fingernails. Those three will decide when it's their time to leave the game, but even Tendulkar cannot go on forever, as most of India doubtless would like him to.

To compound these batting issues, India cannot seem to find two decent fast bowlers able to stay fit and committed enough to last an entire series.

India might be suffering a World Cup hangover, or suffering from the complacency that comes with mounting a summit and also having piles of twenty-over cash to fall into. Whatever it is, but India have regressed severely.

Australia proved too big for them and the desert too hot for England.

Test cricket has no rightful No1, whatever the rankings might say, because all of the contenders are running hot and cold.

However,, at the end of March, South Africa might be No1.

They've remembered how to win at home again and are still regarded as formidable travellers. They could strike the balance.

This month they tour New Zealand for the first time in eight years. They last played there in 2003-2004, and the three-test series was drawn 1-1.

This time, South Africa will have win 3-0 if they hope to be crowned test cricket's best team.

Beating New Zealand might not be the most convincing way to become No1.

But, if South Africa beat the Kiwis away, they could be considered worthy No1s, heading on to England in July and, more importantly, hosting the fast rising Pakistanis next summer.