New pier review will make Africa change. Or not

THE ANC says it is pleased with the appointment of its chairperson, Baleka Mbete, to the African Union's African Peer Review Mechanism panel.

Spokesperson Token S'phamandla said Mbete planned to make several sweeping changes to the APRM.

"The original aim of the APRM was to ensure good economic and political governance on the continent. Things have changed since then. In these modern post-Mbeki times, the ANC feels it is unAfrican for one country to judge another. It is disrespectful to the ancestors," she said.

S'phamandla said Mbete would push for the body to be renamed the African Pier Review Mechanism.

"There are many, many piers in Africa that are going unmonitored. Right now, countries can choose to join the APRM.

"Under the new arrangement, piers will not be given a choice. If they are a pier, they will automatically fall under the new APRM."

The Panel of Eminent Persons would visit each of Africa's 54 countries and inspect their piers. "Should a pier fail to meet expectations, members will deliberate for three weeks at a location befitting the panel's eminence and issue a report. It will then be up to that country's government to rectify the situation. Or not. The choice will be theirs. No action will be taken against any government that ignores the panel's recommendations.

"In that regard, the new APRM will be identical to the existing one."

The pier review process is expected to take around 85 years to complete.

Meanwhile, the African Christian Democratic Party has urged Mbete not to go ahead with her plans to reconstitute the APRM.

"We, at the ACDP, condemn the way piers forcefully thrust themselves into Mother Ocean. It is tantamount to rape," said spokeszealot Fundamentalist Moloi. He stressed that the size of the pier was irrelevant.

"Children are extremely smart these days and many of them will have no trouble finding piers where ideas can easily be put into their heads. We have seen families destroyed by piers. It is a tragedy," said Moloi.

He called on Mbete to instead fight for an end to the building of piers in Africa. "At the very least, we ask that she convinces governments to change the design. While circular piers are not ideal in that the very shape itself is dangerously provocative, they will always be preferable to the long, phallic ones."