Verbally abusing Rihanna for her choice is still abuse
I have just read the opinion piece 'Yes, Chris Brown is Rihanna's choice - but a bad one' and my head is spinning!!
This article should have been titled what it really means, and that is 'Rihanna shouldn't be given the right to choose because she is dumber than if she had her head cut off!"
I find a few things said in the opinion piece offensive, but I would like to explain where I'm coming from before I tackle some of the issues I have with this point of view.
I want to assert my opinion that Rihanna, like any other woman, has a choice, and she making it. Whether or not other women, feminist or otherwise, would make that same choice. She knows the man she is choosing based on prior experience, and she is choosing him with all that in mind.
And she is not living under a rock somewhere, she knows she's in a position to get to choose any and everything in her life.
I believed from the moment I got wind of what she said on the Oprah interview a few weeks ago, that she would take him back given half a chance.
She's still wounded from the brutal beating and I would imagine her going back to him is her way of wanting to rectify the situation, and heal herself in the process. Whether or not the relationship survives, and ends up being a healthy choice for her, remains to be seen.
But that's a gamble she's willing to live with. I always say don't give of yourself more than you're willing to loose, especially in a relationship. It's a sad fact that in a lot of situations of abuse this may mean loosing your life.
The most I can say against her choice to go back to him is that if he lays another hand on her in the future, it's not like she didn't get away from, and get back with a man she did not know was capable of abusing her in that manner.
I also think she has been deliberately silent in this whole debate for a reason, and she is now going back to him partly to flip the finger at those self-righteous people who are making her out to be a dim wit. She prides herself in being rebellious, and this may very well be her throwing her toys out of her cot to stick it to her critics.
Any woman who couples up with Chris Brown is always going to be deemed stupid for her choice to be with him. I'm actually surprised that the girl he just broke up with to hook up with Rihanna again was not attacked for her choice to be with him.
Having said that, just because you would not make the same choice, and get to practise the freedom of choice women's liberation brought to you, does not give you the right to vilify anyone who makes a different choice. Question: How do you figure your choices are superior?
Women's liberation is about having the right to choose, not being bullied into choosing what some people prescribe!
I would say it is ill-advised to make a woman you think needs help, feel stupid by reaffirming that she is stupid for being in that position (by calling her stupid). How is she going to ever be in an empowered position, enough to make the 'right' decision for herself if that's the talk echoing in her ear?
I would like to think that I would choose not to stay in an abusive relationship, regardless of the nature of the abuse. But I will never know until I find myself in that situation. I would by no means advise any woman to do so.
Miss Ramkissoon says: '... But it is a choice that sets women’s liberation back decades. As a public figure, she should be doing what is best for society, not just herself'. Please tell me your personal choices are all decided upon with the general society in mind. Unless you can say this, please point a finger at yourself too, for making a selfish choice.
Further more, you say 'Not that her oversexed, underfed image is anything to look up to, but people do nonetheless'. This statement lets me know this article comes from a personal dislike for Rihanna, which grinds my teeth because the subject of the matter is tainted by this.
I have not written Chris Brown off. I am open to forgiveness in most cases, whatever shape that forgiveness takes on the side of the victim. Yes, she could have forgiven and kept her distance. Or forgive and maintain contact with him, on a cordial, friendship or relationship level, it is her decision.
We can't tell if he has mended his ways, it would be sad to throw him to the dogs if he has learnt from this and truly has turned around. I don't believe he is a demon, his actions were wrong, very wrong. But I'm optimistic that he can come out of this a changed man.
By any stretch of the imagination abuse is not okay, regardless of where it's coming from.
It's downright abusive to come down on Rihanna like I have been reading in the recent past. Abuse is abuse, physical, verbal, whatever it is. You are simply lumping yourself up with Chris 'the unforgivable' Brown because verbal abuse can be as bad, if not worse than physical abuse.
I can't say I remember Rihanna saying her bit after the assault (despite the noise and public humiliation), so her status as a poster child is not exactly voluntary. It's as if people expect her to take the banner and run with the 'I survived and conquered abuse' slogan branded on her forehead. She doesn't want to! She would rather give that job to others who want it.
Any women without the spotlight shining on her every move would have had the luxury to choose to go public or not. Whether or not she was still in a relationship with her abuser.
Granted, there are people who look up to her and possibly copy her example. Again, that's their choice.
She is a human being, a real woman who has to navigate through life, with or without cameras scrutinising her. It's unfair to put the weight of society on her shoulders, especially if we are all not carrying the responsibility ourselves.