Changing places

My husband is being transferred to another country and experts the family to go with him. I do not want to go

SHRINK RAP

There are always competing expectations and limited resources in a family. What determines the ideal outcome for a group is what best serves the interests of the majority, if not the entire group.

Conflict often arises because people treat their own needs and wishes as being of equal value and priority. In a limited resource situation, decisions need to be made about which values and expectations have to be prioritised and what sacrifices need to be made.

The ideal starting point is for you and your husband to list your values, ideals and needs - both on a personal and family level. You then need to give a weight to each item and put the list in order of priority.

Then decide what values and ideals you will honour, and which ones you will sacrifice. You can also get creative and look at how you can find new ways to maintain support systems. - Leonard Carr

SUPERNANNY

The only constant in life is change - and some changes are stressful. Relocating home is on the scale of the top 20 stressors - add a new job and country, and you have put your family into a high stress situation. But splitting up the family will be an additional stress factor.

You and your husband need to talk about what you want for your marriage and family life.

Fear of the unknown can be viewed as a scary experience or as a new adventure - whichever lens you are looking through will be the experience you will have. - Stephanie Dawson-Cosser