The odd mother out

The mothers at my child's school are in a tight group and socialise together. Its seems exclusive. How can I get myself included

SHRINK RAP

THOUGH you are obviously seeking the connection, acceptance and inclusion of the group, you may, without realising it consciously, be unwilling to lose your uniqueness.

That often happens with children who feel excluded from the ''in crowd", or unwelcome with the popular children at school. They may take that as a sign they are deficient, or defective, in some way.

If you are not a group person, then you could try to build individual relationships with key members of the group, or try to make friends with each of the members of the group individually.

That way, instead of trying to ''break into" a clique, you can build individual connections that will lead to you being invited in by all the group members simultaneously. - Leonard Carr

SUPERNANNY

We are designed to live in a community - we naturally desire the feeling of belonging. Some communities are, however, more open than others. Also, some hold more desire than others. In my experience, meaningful relationships at schools are built through children's friendships.

Arrange a play date and invite a child's mother over for tea at the beginning, or end, of playtime. Building initial relationships - one at a time - is easier than trying to ''infiltrate" an existing group. As you get to know a few of the mothers in this clique individually, you can then decide if you really want to become part of this group.

Another way to get involved in your child's school is to offer to help at school functions and/or join the PTA or an equivalent group.

In that way you would meet other parents who are really committed to their child's education and school community and thus build meaningful relationships around a common purpose, which, in turn, may create sociable relationships. - Stephanie Dawson-Cosser