I mean, whose birthday is it? Jesus' or yours?
How one guy's birthday could drive us to these levels of unproductiveness and insanity is simply beyond me.
Everywhere you look, there are hordes of people running around like headless chickens spending money that they don't have.
If they are of a darker skin tone, they are sprucing up homes and buying trolley-loads of food for guests who will be visiting on this one day.
Households have by now retrieved those multicoloured decorations atop the wardrobe and are using them to drape ceilings, windows and walls.
The problem with these things, apart from being excruciatingly painful to the eye, is that they have accumulated loads of dust and have lost their shape over the years.
Those with a lighter skin shade are on a flight to some beachfront hotel, or they are probably lying on the beach frying themselves as we speak.
Excuse me, but how do you lie there and profess to be enjoying yourself when you know you can't even switch on your cellphone for fear of listening to all the messages from the bank demanding, no, begging you to make the minimum payments on your credit cards?
And then there are those whose credit cards couldn't squeeze in a holiday but have opened a whole new world of the phoney environmentally friendly Christmas.
These are the ones who will not be buying a real Christmas tree but will be making use of the "plastic one made in China, darling".
You see, with the Copenhagen climate summit fresh on our minds, we really don't want to mess up the already fragile environment by cutting down more trees. Forget about the emissions of the transport from China and the fumes emanating from the production of that plastic tree, all that matters is that the credit card must be able to accommodate the price of the tree.
This green lot will also be recycling gifts in a new fad called "regifting, darling". This is the trend of passing on presents that you do not need or do not like. The trick here is to remember not to send the gift back to the person who gave it to you in the first place.
But here's the thing. What's with the presents, darlings? I mean, whose birthday is it in the first place? Jesus' or yours?
But the worst for me, must be the grumpy businessman who equates asking for a quote at this time of year to a sin worse than most.
"Oh, we'll be closing in two weeks' time and most businesses will be closed anyway. Yadda, yadda, yadda. But I can definitely give you a quote on our return in mid-January next year."
This man boggles the mind. Did he say he would be closing in two weeks' time? Would I be asking for a quote now if I had six weeks to spare?
You would think in a year in which businesses were hardest hit by the economic downturn, people would be clamouring for the slightest mention of work. But no, not in this country. This is the time when public- and private-sector servants are paid to forget to answer telephones and assist customers. Every company's answering machines are on full alert at this time of the year.
"Welcome to the GSSC. Welcome to Telkom. Welcome to Vodacom. Welcome. Please note that the call will be recorded for quality purposes. Please note that the queues are long. Now press in your number on the keypad and press the hash key. Then press 1, then 2, then 3," and so it goes.
When it comes to Christmas anger, though, I happen to be in good company. The last time Oprah had anything to do with us at this time of the year, we nearly drove her to a mental asylum. Her angst was directed at the builders who thought to pack up their tool boxes instead of completing her state-of-the-art school in time for the opening in January 2007.
No, not because there was a dispute over pay or some labour issue, but simply because "builders in this country close in mid-December and return to work in mid-January".
As if that wasn't enough, the talk show host said at the time that the South African guests kept grumbling that she was opening the school on the second day of the year. Like, hello, the holiday is on the 1st, dammit. Ms O didn't waste time; she simply dumped them and brought in Hollywood's celebrities instead.
Here's the thing. We are a generally lazy bunch as it is, and hardly need more excuses to legitimise our lack of productivity.
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ntunja