Not even a boost from above will do the trick

14 August 2011 - 05:31 By Tsamaya
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One of Tsamaya's traditional stalwarts is Black Leopards boss David Thidiela, now back in the PSL.

He wasted no time in yanking his players and coaching staff to the ZCC headquarters in Moria this week for prayers. Thidiela said he was seeking divine intervention to ensure Leopards remained in the Premiership forever. Thidiela, who sometimes masquerades as a preacher, reckons Moria will save his team. We reckon not even the tag-team of Chuck Norris and Jesus Christ could save them!

SANTOS goalkeeper Tshepo Motsoeneng was duped by his muti man. The Santos goalkeeper was caught in full view of TV cameras sprinkling some juju across the goal line ahead of their match against Orlando Pirates last week. It was clearly not the real McCoy as Pirates scored between those goalposts to bundle Santos out of the MTN8 quarterfinals. Either the stuff doesn't work at night or goal scorer Siyabonga Sangweni's Zulu muti is stronger. A Tsamaya investigation has revealed Motsoeneng's magic powder to be expired rat poison.

THE track pants of the Santos squad looked decidedly dodgy. Tsamaya strongly suspects they were borrowed from the minstrels or coons. Apart from being as colourful as the Kapse Klopse, those pants also reminded us of rapper MC Hammer. The ones worn by beanpole striker Eleazar Rodgers were so long you could fit two toddlers in them and he could still have walked without any trouble.

EVER on the prowl for a good deal, Tsamaya this week slipped into a bargain-basement furniture store in Fourways recently and bumped into one of the country's most celebrated UIF contributors. There, clearly still between soccer gigs, was former Orlando Pirates head honcho and chairman of the Unappreciated Society, Ruud Krol. The coach, however, ignored the screaming "SALE" posters, keeping his wallet in his pocket and behaving like a recent inductee into the Unemployed Club.

BURKINA Faso's Portuguese coach, Paulo Duarte, had journalists thinking they were in a scene from a hilarious Nando's ad at the conference after his hapless side's 3-0 defeat at Ellis Park on Wednesday night. Duarte alleged Safa withheld visas for his players in an effort to sabotage the Burkinabe, with their loss helping Bafana in the world rankings. Pitso Mosimane, waiting his turn to go on stage, sprang upright like a soldier when he heard the gobbledegook. What he mumbled under his breath is unprintable.

THE angry Duarte kept getting confused between French and Portuguese as he rattled off his theory to an increasingly nervous-looking translator. It's no wonder the coach speaks so many languages - after leading Leiria in his own country, he took the Burkinabe job, then dumped the Africans for French side Le Mans, and now he's back earning his pay on the African continent.

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