MAMELODI Sundowns are increasingly casting themselves in the role of annoying mother-in-law in the PSL. First Johan Neeskens complained about the Nedbank semifinal fixtures.
SOMEBODY should buy stilettos for SuperSport soccer presenter Kamohelo "Kamza" Mbatha to stop him from having to look up all the time. Tsamaya felt Kamza's pain when the pint-sized one had to crane his neck while interviewing skyscraper colleague Brian Mathe. If not stilettos, perhaps a beer crate could be procured for the vertically challenged presenter to stand on in case he needs it for a post-match chat with man mountain Mark Gleeson, Santos goalkeeper Pa Dembo Touray or Celtic defender Molomowandau Mathoho.
AMAKHOSI goalkeeper Itumeleng Khune says fans have faith in them again because they play "carpet football" and "dominate possession". He added: "We have improved playing-wise.
AFTER Mamelodi Sundowns' 2-1 pasting by Platinum Stars, house music band Mi Casa came down to Chloorkop to soothe the pains of the Sundowns players. We are told Dutch coach Johan Neeskens was getting down to some rhythmic house tunes together with chubby-cheeks manager Kenneth Makhanya, legal eagle Yugesh Singh and Teko Modise. We're praying that Neeskens didn't get too excited and end up doing some traditional Dutch clog-dancing.
MUTI use in the Premier Soccer League is on the rise and SuperSport's TV cameras captured a Kaizer Chiefs official sprinkling some suspicious magic potion before their game against Platinum Stars. Chiefs' voodoo concoction seemed too powerful for Stars, who lost the match 2-1. Maybe their just-fired coach Vladimir Vermezovic will take some back home to Serbia.
IF MZANSI soccer lovers think they can drink, they should go to Scotland to watch the "Old Firm" derby between Rangers and Celtic. Courtesy of thoughtful cellphone company MTN, one of Tsamaya's scribes was afforded that opportunity. The match kicked off at noon but a lot of fans were already sloshed, with some old toppies holding on to stadium pillars for support. With alcohol banned at UK stadiums, a number of fans were spotted drinking before kick-off. Even guys in suits and ties zig-zagged into the venue. They really make South Africans look like lightweights.
BRYCE Lawrence, the man many blame for South Africa's early World Cup exit last year, is fit again and will take charge of his first game here since that fateful day in Wellington. Lawrence, acutely aware of public sentiment against him, indicated earlier this year he was in no rush to officiate in SA.
TSAMAYA was wondering what happened to Haitian skyscraper striker Gilbert Bayonne, who was zig-zagging between Mzansi clubs undergoing trials.
BANYANA Banyana defender Janine van Wyk gave Safa Media an exclusive on how her new tattoos inspire her performances. "It has always been my dream to compete at the Olympics and I am proud to have the Olympic rings on my right arm. There are also words around my arm - Passion, Vision, Believe, Patience and Pride. These are cornerstones around which my play is built," said van Wyk. Next we'll be seeing coach Skheshe Mkhonza's initials on her bosom.
THE Independent Post of Zambia reported last week that prostitutes in the Kanyama, Chawama and Kalingalinga compounds offered themselves free of charge to celebrate Zambia's victory over Ghana in the Africa Cup of Nations semifinals. A man was then beaten up when he took too long with one of the ladies . "Yes, we beat him up because he took too long. There were too many queueing and the guy kept on wasting time," said eye-witnesses. We wonder what kind of a sex-plosion took place after Chipolopolo beat Ivory Coast in the final . The prostitutes were probably paying the punters.
SABC presenters Lebo Motsoeli and Coudjoe Amankwaa have kept the spirit of the 2012 Afcon going with their Africa-themed garments this week. While Amankwaa resembled an Ashante goat farmer, Motsoeli looked like a sangoma ready to throw her bones. Vumani boo! Siyavuma!
BAFANA Bafana coach "Pitiful" Pitso Mosimane brought his fully loaded long-nosed 16-shooter to the Ghana friendly post-match press conference last Sunday. But the reckless and embattled trainer did himself no favours by shooting in the dark and lambasting the poor journos - unprovoked, nogal. Considering the SA media have been so kind to him, perhaps Mosimane drank too many energy drinks during the match.
MOROKA Swallows midfielder Bennet Chenene teamed up with his gangster father -whose knife-handling skills could make feared Sophiatown bandit Kortboy Mphalweni look like a toddler - when they taught some laaities a lesson on New Year's Day.
MOTORMOUTH Mickey Modisane has licence to celebrate Orlando Pirates' Telkom Knockout final triumph whichever way he wants.
TSAMAYA was gobsmacked to learn that an animal called African Football Executive Confex exists. It will take place in Johannesburg between April 18-20, 2012. The organisers were delighted to announce that Danny Jordaan has confirmed his participation as a speaker. We suspect Confex is the poor man's Soccerex, that money-making scheme which has moved its circus to Brazil. While they serve caviar and champagne at Soccerex, delegates at Confex will not follow those Eurocentric tendencies. They will proudly nibble on mopani worms and wash it down with sorghum beer.
THE Polokwane municipality is up in arms after it emerged that muti-usage by Limpopo clubs Black Leopards and Baroka FC is damaging the pitch at the Peter Mokaba Stadium. The consistent use of muti and salt has resulted in the grass having to be reinforced with artificial fibres. The numbskull club owners need to be told that if muti worked in football, Swaziland would have won the World Cup three times and Leopards the Fifa Club World Cup.
PSL CHAIRMAN Irvin Khoza brought in the heavy artillery when he summoned his entire executive committee to the press conference to clarify the PSL stance regarding the national under-23 fiasco. With all the PSL Mafioso sitting alongside the "Iron Duke", it was all systems go as Khoza sent us to slumberland by playing a lengthy clip of a meeting between Safa and the PSL.
THE meaning of "recreation" was taken to a new level after the sexual escapades of master blaster and randy minister of sports and recreation Fikile "Mbaks" Mbalula with a Jozi lass were splashed all over the press last weekend.
WE have always suspected Pirates supremo Irvin Khoza secretly harboured dreams of becoming a taxi driver. He told Tsamaya detectives he recently pitched up at a Safa executive meeting driving a Pirates team Kombi he parked next to the shiny Mercs driven by Safa's head honchos. All the Iron Duke needs is a leather jacket and cap to complete the taxi-driver look.
SIERRA Leone Stars coach Lars Olof Mattsson was ready for war in Mbombela during their 0-0 draw with Bafana Bafana. The ageing Swede came out fully kitted in soccer boots, socks, shorts, jersey and even shin-guards - as a precaution in case nervous Bafana coach Pitso Mosimane, who was running around the touchline like a Libyan rebel, dished out a sliding tackle from the dugout.
.TSAMAYA fully understands why Kaizer Chiefs players George Lebese and Itumeleng Khune have been distracted in recent times. An effervescent tabloid reported that Lebese, who missed a penalty against Golden Arrows on Wednesday, is "stuffing the turkey" with the curvaceous Afro-pop singer Bucie Nqwiliso - even though he denied the affair. Maybe she comforted Lebese with a soothing musical after the dreadful penalty miss. From a distance, it looks like some cradle-snatching by the voluptuous Bucie.
BORING PSL administrators are not getting into the spirit of the Rugby World Cup after denying a Bidvest Wits request to wear kit displaying a message of support for the Springboks. Wits wanted to print "Go Bokke" on their jerseys, but tedious PSL general manager Derek "Straightjacket" Blanckensee was having none of it. "The kit manual explains that each team is allowed to have two sponsors, or insignia, printed on their jersey; one on the front of the jersey and one on the sleeves. Each team has to use 200cm² on the front of the jersey and Wits went over the limit," Blanckensee said, almost sending us to Snoozeville.
ORLANDO Pirates' weird and wonderful coach Julio Leal was just short of bursting into tears as he expressed his undying love for the Buccaneers this week. The lovelorn Brazilian told the media he was the happiest man in the world and was having the time of his life at the club. Well, Pirates fired a coach who won three titles and we wonder how long Leal's dreamy tenderness and affections for the club will last.
South African football idols gathered this week to stand up for responsible drinking at the launch of the Brandhouse DrinkIQ initiative in Johannesburg. It was, however, disappointing that not many current players - Lefa Tsutsulupa was one exception - bothered to attend. Liquid lovers Jabu Pule, Lerato Chabangu, Emille Baron, Jeffrey Ntuka, and Mbulelo "OJ" Mabizela snubbed the event. Perhaps the organisers were worried they might have played bottoms up.
Since we are all enveloped in the spirit of Women's Month, we thought we should have some fun with the fairer sex because that's what God put us on earth to do. In a "flatback" 4-4-2 formation, we run the rule over some of our football femme fatales.
ONE of Tsamaya's traditional stalwarts is Black Leopards boss David Thidiela, now back in the PSL. He wasted no time in yanking his players and coaching staff to the ZCC headquarters in Moria this week for prayers. Thidiela said he was seeking divine intervention to ensure Leopards remained in the Premiership forever. Thidiela, who sometimes masquerades as a preacher, reckons Moria will save his team. We reckon not even the tag-team of Chuck Norris and Jesus Christ could save them!
Working for Bafana Bafana is enough to drive one to suicide but we never thought it could make one age overnight. Assistant coach Jairo Leal arrived at the squad announcement this week looking like the Silver Fox.
A sleazy tabloid recently reported Kaizer Chiefs and Bafana Bafana star midfielder Reneilwe "Yeye" Letsholonyane had dumped his Soweto girlfriend and was now playing "hide the German sausage" with SuperSport presenter Mpho Maboi.
Sports minister Fikile "Funky Fiks" Mbalula is the funkiest member of the cabinet. When not spinning vinyl, he listens to hip-hop music.
A RIGHT Royal Affair was the theme at this year's Durban July. Mzansi's finest, charlatans, groupies, kansvatters, fashionistas and former Bafana coach Clive Barker also graced the event. Fuddy-duddy Barker was not looking so majestic in his dour grey jacket and black polo-neck. While his fashion sense is in the lower leagues, he left a huge impression on Tsamaya with the way he seemed to know his way around a race course. Now we know how "Grandpa Clive" spends his free time these days.
WAYWARD fallen stars Jabu Pule and Ninja Mofokeng recently danced the night away at a popular pub in Daveyton. Pule, the former Bafana Bafana, Kaizer Chiefs and Orlando Pirates star, gave Mofokeng, a former Ajax Amsterdam and Mamelodi Sundowns defender, a vice-like bear hug when they ran into one another. On the dance floor, Pule showed off some impressive pantsula moves, which elicited intense high-fives from Mofokeng, who is sporting a conspicuous behind.
WE read with dismay this week that a major shake-up was looming at Orlando Pirates and that one of Tsamaya's Lifetime Achiever award winners, Mickey "Gobbledegook Guru" Modisane, was among those rumoured to be facing the chop. Modisane, fan and friend of Tsamaya, has kept our flames going for many years. It will be a real pity if he gets the boot.
