But it is worth recalling that we expected little from Sibusiso Zuma when he moved his 35-year-old skeleton down to Vasco da Gama. The jet-heeled madala promptly bamboozled the doubters with a flurry of excellent goals, and was arguably the PSL's best player during the first half of last season.

The crucial difference between these two topical toppies is Benni's troublesome "body structure", as he likes to describe his boep.

For many years now, the Capetonian tap-in merchant has been a bit soft in the middle, to quote a Paul Simon lyric. He's also fairly soft in the top and bottom. Whenever Benni is crocked and can't train properly, he rapidly takes on the appearance of a six-foot toddler. The problem is not so much that Benni's in the cafeteria, but that he's not in the area.

He believes his penchant for pudginess is the result of gobbling supplements in his early 20s at the insistence of coaches who wanted him to bulk up. He might be right.

To be fair, Benni is now leaner than he's been in a while, and has looked like a viable footballer in training with Ajax Cape Town this week.

Enter Irvin Khoza, who's poised to gamble big by making Benni an employee of Orlando Pirates. Given the striker's recent record - just 13 games for West Ham in the last two seasons, and zero goals - he's a dodgier bet than a Greek government bond.

But the Iron Duke can well afford to waste whatever he's willing to wager on Benni. And the publicity value that Benni brings could outweigh any shortcomings in his performances: as South Africa's top player over the past decade, and a European Champions League winner, Benni would be the biggest name yet to ply his trade in the PSL.

Plus, he talks a whole lot of entertaining k*k. Benni has a mouth the size of Hanover Park - and being the PSL's chairman and business guru, Khoza is acutely aware that a regular flow of manageable controversy helps to drive media coverage, which translates into bigger gates, higher ratings and swelling profits.

The PSL has long needed a marquee acquisition to build its rising quality, in the way that David Beckham and Thierry Henry have given a sheen to the MLS.

Unlike Benni, those two players remain exceptional athletes, who could still hack it in Spain or England. And Benni will likely find the PSL to be way faster and tougher than he bargained for.

But he has nothing to lose except his reputation, only partially deserved, for being a criminally unpatriotic fatty boom-boom who is as slow as land reform.

If he does join the Sea Robbers, Benni should remind us all that he's a master of the art of finishing.

The only problem will be transporting himself into the box quickly and often enough to score. Khoza should apply for a special PSL permit allowing Benni to speed around local pitches in a Bucs-branded rickshaw, pulled by Tlou Segolela.