Bazooka gives Tso the Shakes

02 August 2011 - 03:07 By BBK
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Former Bafana and Leeds captain Lucas Radebe used to make fans scream themselves hoarse
Former Bafana and Leeds captain Lucas Radebe used to make fans scream themselves hoarse

I don't know about you, but something has been bothering me for some time now.

Where have all the nicknames, the monikers, of soccer players gone?

Be it in an Orlando Pirates or Moroka Swallows strip, man mountain Ephraim Mashaba gave his opponents the "Shakes".

Midfield maestro Alfred Gwabeni inherited the name for his shake, rattle and roll midfield antics.

Isaac Kungoane's pinpoint passes from his educated left foot cut defences wide open, like Moses' stick separating the Red Sea.

Whenever these three had the ball, the stadium became enveloped in a goose-bumping roar of "Shaakkkees!!!"

Back in the bad old days of apartheid, one generation after another had terms of endearment by which they were referred to.

The late Patrick Ntsoelengoe had not one but two popular terms of endearment.

The one was "Mbhekaphansi njengesambane" because of how he always appeared to be looking down on the ground while his lackadaisical dribbling and visionary passing did untold damage to the opposition.

The other was "Ace" because he was what Kaizer Chiefs had up their sleeve.

In fact, each team had its own ace in the pack.

Whether it was Bonginkosi Mnikathi at Amazulu or Mnini at Moroka Swallows, they were the men with the nicknames because they created magic.

Whenever this indefatigable trio were in possession, be it at the original mecca of South African soccer, Orlando stadium, Curries Fountain or George Goch, their set of supporters would in unison scream "Aaaacccccccce!!!"

Do you realise that there is only one player in South Africa today who, when in possession, has a nickname that the fans can shout?

Perhaps it is a reflection that the current crop are so poor that they fail to capture the imagination of the followers.

Perhaps their performances are so pedestrian that they fail to spark a fountain of creative juices that would connect them with the fans.

Perhaps their commitment to the game is questionable, which is why we can't say Rrrhhhhooooooooo!!!. aka Lucas Radebe; Fiiiisssshhhhhhhhh!!! for Mark; and Boooooooooothhhhh!!! for Matthew.

Cries of Tso, Tso, Tso, Tso cheered a tearaway Teenage Dladla as the thin-as-a-rake Teenage Dladla - tongue sticking out - terrorised defenders deep in their territory.

A collective "Zooooo" boomed around any arena whenever Nicholas "Bazooka" Seshweni played.

For his ball wizardry, Mlungisi Ngubane was "Professor". For his fast thinking, Vusi Lamola became "Computer".

Whereas nicknames of yesteryear were sweeter than honey, nowadays we find some that are drier than biltong exposed to the Karoo sun.

I mean Andile Jali is called Gattuso, after AC Milan's Italian bull-terrier Gennaro.

Both are short and industrious, but that is where the similarities end between the South African and the Italian.

Jali is a far more intelligent player in offsetting offensive play, and no amount of pizza and pasta payolas can persuade me otherwise.

Where have all the guys with the gift of the gab gone?

This nickname business needs someone so adept at it that they could sell fire to the devil and ice to the eskimos.

They don't make them like the late Ewert "The Lip" Nene any more.

What we have nowadays are the politically correct named crowd, the communications directors, whose duty seems to be rattling off starting XIs to radio stations and posing as coaches as they spew hot air about how they will win this or that match as if they will be in the front line.

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