50 Things we need to invent

From odourless garlic to dancing shoes and squeakless hinges, Oliver Roberts lists the things we really, really need

1) A device that fits the duvet cover over the duvet for you.

2) A pill to make you instantly sober so you can go to a restaurant and drink as much wine as you want without having to worry about being arrested on the way home.

3) A feature on a car that makes it impossible for people to tailgate.

4) A capsule that gives you all the energy, water and nutrients you need so you don't have to waste time eating meals if you don't feel like it.

5) Self-cleaning clothes.

6) Cutlery that dissolves in water, so you never have to wash up.

7) Milk that never goes off and bread that never goes stale.

8) A machine that vaporises rubbish.

9) The ability to be invisible.

10) A gadget that you attach to your head that allows you to dream whatever you'd like. You simply type out some dream ideas on it before you go to sleep, and they happen. The device also records your dreams so you can watch them on TV.

11) A delicious lozenge you suck each morning and evening that cleans your teeth even better than a toothbrush.

12)A special suit that gives you the ability to levitate.

13) An appliance that emits some kind of sonar that prevents babies from crying.

14) A memory eraser machine.

15) A handheld computer that decodes what a woman is saying, so you know what she really means.

16) A snorkelling kit that allows you to go deep underwater for a really long time so you don't have to learn how to Scuba dive.

17) A device that interprets bird calls so you can understand what they're saying.

18) Tennis balls that never lose their bounce.

19) A small, cheap camera that can be fitted to your pet so you can see what they do when you're not home.

20) A flying bicycle.

21)Dripless candles.

22)A bath that keeps water at the perfect temperature.

23) Some sort of blocking device that prohibits You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban being played in your presence.

24) Flowers that don't die as long as you keep them in water.

25) Something that makes people's phones instantly explode when they ring in cinemas.

26) Wall plaster that doesn't crumble when you extract a nail.

27) Glasses and contact lenses that automatically change prescription with your eyes so you don't have to keep going to the optometrist and spending money whenever your eyes deteriorate.

28) Garlic that doesn't make you smell.

29) A fridge that tells you when something inside is about to go off, so you can remove it before it starts to smell and go mouldy.

30) A cleansing gel you apply to the soles of your shoes so you don't bring dirt from outside onto your carpets.

31) Waterproof books and magazines that can be read in the bath.

32) Tiny GPS microchips inserted into your socks so that you can find one when it goes missing.

33) A robot resembling either a well-buffed naked man or gorgeous nude woman that vacuums your house while you watch.

34) Sunglasses with an inbuilt, concealed camera lens, so you can take pictures of people without them knowing.

35)A sensor placed in a doorway that sends out a little electric shock to anyone who stands there too long, blocking the people behind them.

36)A device in your mattress that gently rolls you out of bed once you've hit the snooze button for the fifth time.

37) A voice-activated search system. You place a little receiver in the things you lose most often - keys, glasses, hair bands, pens - and all you have to do is say "Pen!" or "Glasses!" and the missing object sends out a beep.

38) A room spray that eliminates dust forever.

39) A translator with which you can speak and understand any language.

40) An apparatus you attach to the outside of your throat that gives you a great singing voice and can be adjusted to your preference.

41) Actual dancing shoes. You programme them to whatever genre of dance you'd like to perform and the shoes move themselves and make you an expert dancer.

42) Car fenders that are almost impossible to dent, and when they do, they repair themselves.

43) A protective cream to put on before you go walking in the bush that makes your skin scratch- and cut-resistant.

44) A torch that emits a range of colour information through special currents. When you point it at a surface (fabrics, walls, furniture) it changes it into the chosen colour.

45) Hinges that never squeak.

46) Sensors that you attach to your fingertips that enable you to play any musical instrument. The sensors hook up to an MP3 player and you select whatever song it is you want to play.

47) Contact lenses that give you a photographic memory.

48) An animated hologram of yourself that you can send to parties and events you're obliged to attend but don't want to go to.

49) A hat-like device in which you can programme the type of hairstyle you want.

50) Ice-cream that doesn't melt.