Rude road hogs now taxi for take-off in South Africa

Okay, okay. Can you run that by me once again? The SA National Taxi Council is about to launch a low-cost airline? If this story had broken two months ago, I would have dismissed it as a belated April Fool's joke. But no, after several attempts at trying to get a denial from Santaco, I have been told that the taxi association is serious about the announcement they made this week.

And they are not just talking: they are launching themselves into the skies in November.

Sensing the incredulity that greeted the announcement, Santaco president, Jabulani Mthembu, was quick to point out: "We are not making taxi drivers pilots. Aquarius (which provides aircraft to SA Link and SA Express) will provide us with a full service, including planes, pilots and licensing."

Huge sigh of relief. But still, we are talking about Santaco here, a group which over the years has run the taxi industry with forthright arrogance and very little regard for passengers or other road users. The taxi industry is not only unregulated, it is a law unto itself. I do not know of any taxi owner who pays tax.

Apart from their refusal to pay tax, taxi owners pay little regard for their vehicles.

It's only when a taxi can't move at all that the owner will reluctantly fork out a few bucks for repairs. Even then, the driver is instructed to take the vehicle to the nearest bush mechanic.

From an observer's point of view, you would think all taxi drivers were rude, badly raised grouches whose mission was to break every road regulation - from running red lights, changing lanes on a whim and hooting for no apparent reason, to driving way beyond the speed limit.

But, interacting as I do with both taxi drivers and owners, I know that many drivers are always under pressure to make as many trips as possible.

Owners, who graduated from being drivers themselves, have refined abuse into an art form. A person who was abused as a child usually grows up to be abusive himself. The same applies to owners.

They are bullies of unremitting delinquency who don't hesitate to use their fists and the sjambok on drivers should they fail to meet their trip quotas.

Of course I am not saying taxi drivers are angels whose lives are run by taxi owners. There are many drivers who think sitting behind a steering wheel gives them a licence to be rude, abusive and violent towards both their passengers and other road users.

When I was still a taxi commuter, I was once klapped by a taxi driver and no one in the vehicle intervened. My sin? I had paid my fare in a handful of coins. I was then ejected from the taxi even before I reached my destination. The coins rained on my head as I staggered onto the pavement. Vrooom! The chariot of fire was gone.

Another feature of the taxi industry is the incessant fights between members of the various taxi associations over who has the right to use which route. Both drivers and commuters are killed during these skirmishes which have become an integral part of one of the most violent industries in the country.

It's against this background, which speaks eloquently of a lack of organisation and professionalism, that many of us can't believe that Santaco is serious about an airline of its own.

Flying is about professionalism, precision, accuracy and punctuality. Imagine the chaos in our airspace if our aviation industry were to be run just like our taxi industry.

The Santaco announcement struck a dark chord with me as it reminded me of my visit to Nigeria some years ago. I had heard a number of scare stories about flying in Africa: you sit cheek-by-jowl with chickens and goats inside the plane; you fight for your seat even if you have booked, etc. The normal Afropessimism narrative.

When in Nigeria, I had to fly between Lagos, the financial capital, and Abuja, the seat of power. One thing that unsettled me was that I couldn't make a booking. I was told to show up at the airport with my cash just as if I were boarding a taxi at the Noord Street taxi rank in Johannesburg.

These are the memories that bubbled to the surface when I read about the Santaco venture.

True, one welcomes competition. The more choice, the better. Prices tend to be reasonable when there is a multiplicity of suppliers.

But those suppliers need to be beyond reproach when it comes to professional delivery. Santaco does not, I am afraid, inspire confidence in that regard. Call me a prejudicial snob, but hey, I only live once.

Speaking of competitive prices: the other day I started exploring online flight bookings for myself, my wife and our three brats, as we shall be going to the US soon.

British Airways gave me a quote of R41000 (one way from Johannesburg to Boston); Emirates was even more competitive, at R36720; and guess what our national carrier, SAA quoted me? R164000.

That is daylight robbery, and an example of the rudeness one tends to associate with the taxi industry which does not give a damn about commuter comfort and common decency. Now, flyi-ng locally you will be offered two choices: Santaco or SAA.

Chicken or beef? When you tell the stewardess the beer is not cold enough, you will be told: "Do you drink the beer, or do you drink the temperature? You tjatjarag agent, jump out of this plane right now if you think we are not good enough for you. Don't you know this is a revo-lutionary airline?"

Hmmm, choices, choices.