Engaged - but not to him

This story recently broke in the news, about a 42-year-old Dutch woman who was charged with stalking after she called her ex-boyfriend 65000 times in one year.

They might have a problem if the case gets as far as a conviction, since they won't be able to fingerprint her. I doubt she has any prints left on her fingertips after all that button-pressing.

And imagine her phone bill? When you're in a relationship, particularly one of those soppy all-consuming new ones, one expects to have a slightly elevated telephone account, what with all those extra calls to say "hi", and "good morning", and "good later morning", and "oh, how I missed you between 10:05 and 10:11 when your phone was out of signal".

As well as those endless conversations that go on late into the night - "no, you put down first. No, you put down first" - so a few extra calls are to be expected.

But this is ridiculous.

I imagine the poor guy never had a chance, even if he had wanted to try to return one of her calls. He probably never could get through to her, because her line was constantly engaged. And when he didn't call back, she must have just become more obsessed with calling him - a vicious ring-cycle.

By my mathematics, which is dodgy at best and shocking at worst (so I can only guarantee general accuracy here), assuming this lady slept an average of seven hours a night, and took a little time off to eat, paint her nails, smoke a joint (she's Dutch, so I'm just speculating) and go to the loo every now and then, I figured out that she must have called this guy around 178 times every single day, Monday through Sunday. That's more than 10 times an hour.

Forget her ex-boyfriend. Her boss should be the one pressing charges. Where, in among all that calling, did she find the time to do any work? Unless she's a receptionist, in which case I suppose it was all just an extension of what she does all day anyway.

Time is a funny thing. There are never enough hours in the day, what with all the schlepping and carrying and shopping and feeding and working we have to do to keep the world turning. Yet somehow we do seem to manage to find the time for the little things that are important to us or make us happy.

For example, last week was such a crazy, busy week - I was way, way, way too busy to sort out my stupid taxes. But I did manage to tweet 68 times. So I guess time, particularly available time, is all relative.

When questioned by the police, our Dutch lady friend with the itchy dialling finger said that she didn't think her actions were all that excessive. The gentleman she was calling, on the other hand, didn't agree. In fact, he flat-out denied that they'd ever even had a relationship.

The third party in this relationship, the Dutch lady's cellphone service provider, reported utter devastation at the resulting restraining order she received, and offered to hook her up with a list of friends they hoped she might be interested in.

She said she'd be sure to call them back and let them know.