If 2010 has taken on the sheen of sacredness among football fans, then 2011 will be the annus horribilis for a gazillion self-help-loving women all around the globe.
Okay, not a gazillion, but let's be honest, when The Oprah Winfrey Show runs its final credits in two years' time, there will be a worldwide TV audience left with a black hole in their afternoon viewing that no other show can fill. Not yet.
Since Oprah made the tearful announcement during her November 20 show, the pundits have been falling over themselves to name an heir to the 55-year-old, who has been helping people "live their best life" for half of hers.
So far, the favourite is Ellen DeGeneres, whose appearance on O Magazine's cover in December came as a golden-hued endorsement from the Queen of Talk herself.
But also yapping at her heels is Dr Phil McGraw, who baldly surfaced in 1998 as Oprah's "Relationship and life strategy expert" and now has a show of his own that "has galvanised millions of people to get real" (his words).
Then there's that model, Tyra Banks, health guru and Columbia University professor of surgery, Dr Mehmet Oz and interior decorator Nate Berkus - the last two having got a hefty start in the TV biz already via their appearance on Oprah.
Even David Letterman has offered himself up for the job, saying he'd change little (bar renaming the magazine 'D') and get Tony Danza in as his replacement.
You can only imagine the debates going on at ABC HQ about just who can draw the 44 million US viewers each week and millions of others in 144 countries who have shored up their earnings for decades.
My money is on DeGeneres: she's clever, she's funny, she's likable, she has the moves (she dances; Oprah does things with her hands - her fingers twirling around our heartstrings), and she's gay.
Oh yes. Like anyone in the glare of the tabloid headlights, Oprah has had to fight off some barbed arrows around her relationship with her best friend, Gayle King, which also regularly gets linked to the fact that she has never married her long-time partner, Stedman Graham.
But who cares about the details of Oprah's love life? Truly. What really demands attention is Oprah's messianic status in the lives of millions who can't make decisions on "spirit", "health", "style", "relationships", "money" and the "world" themselves (categories, I confess, drawn directly from oprah.com).
There's even one acolyte who spent a whole year "walking the walk of the Queen of Talk" and wrote a book about it (http://www.livingoprah.com/).
A few days after Oprah's announcement (front page news here) I tuned in to SABC3 and had some luck: the show was vintage Oprah, featuring actress Kirstie Alley, back to full-plus-plus size, and some guy "who lost close to 1000 pounds (413kg) - a world record - and gained it all back".
"I know I'm going to heaven because I've done my hell time," Michael Hebranko said (more tears).
It was riveting stuff that gave Oprah the chance to share "falling off the wagon" stories with her guests and offer words of encouragement to her viewers.
Like being fat is not about food - it's about lifestyle. And so on.
It's the kind of stuff that has spawned a whole side industry of experts and products (even Alley shamelessly said she piled on the pounds while snacking between researching her own soon-to-be-launched weight loss product line - OK she didn't mention the snacking bit, but you get the point).
Suze Orman, Playboy Playmate and Autism activist Jenny McCarthy, Oprah's trainer Bob Greene . the list of Oprah-endorsed experts and the products they peddle is long and profitable, and still growing as Oprah prepares to move behind the scenes as the "life force" of OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network.
But there have been many missteps too: her endorsement (yes another one) of Suzanne Somers' belief in the benefits of bioidentical hormone replacement therapy for postmenopausal women was roundly scotched by many in the medical profession.
Her faith in Rhonda Byrne's book The Secret (the "stuck in a shack in Alex? Visualise yourself over the road in Sandton and it will be" school of philosophy) has also caused her some flak.
And her lambasting of James Frey for some embellishments in his drug memoir A Million Little Pieces was just cruel - his public shaming a Springeresque spectacle of TV mob-lynching.
So where does this leave things? Does the generosity of the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls mean we can overlook her attachment to a "minty-fresh snake oil" book (as Salon.com put it)?
Should we blame Oprah because millions of viewers can't work out what's right for themselves?
Shouldn't we just admire someone who came out of the ghetto to make a fortune (now valued at $2.7-billion) and not bitch about why she has to be on the cover of each and every issue of O?
Luckily, September 2011 is 22 odd months away, which gives us plenty of time to sit on the couch and yack about it.
Whitney Houston rolls a joint:
Yep, in September, Whitney came onto the Show, shed tears, then explained to Oprah how to roll a joint. Cute: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3Wu07x2Yv8&feature=related
Tom Cruise on the couch:
"We've never seen youbehave this way before," Oprah says. "I know," responds Cruise before jumping on her couch like a kid on a sugar high. Maybe it's a Scientology thing. Watch it here: http://video.google. com/videoplay?docid=-5883772879840922003#
On and off and on and off and on:
Oprah's "Brown elephant in the room" weight issue has been a mainstay of her shows and spawned a mass industry - and plenty of tears: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_hfhg8OolQ
Big bad boxer:
Mike Tyson sheds a little tear with Oprah. Classic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5RKTefN-Xo
They cyborg of conservative politics:
Sarah Palin sheds no tears, but exudes chumminess instead now that Barack Obama is safely ensconced in the White House: http://www.oprah.com/dated/oprahshow/oprahshow-20091111-sarah-palin
Suck it to me:
Porn star Jenna Jameson tells Oprah she's doing it to show women how to give oral sex. Er, yeah, sure: http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20091007-tows-jenna-jameson
Loading...
Be the first to comment