Inveterate loner Oliver Roberts offers some pointers that'll help you perfect the art of being alone The nadir of my lifelong, heightened desire for solitude nearly caused the end of a very good relationship with the woman I am now living with and engaged to. In the end, it came down to a choice between enjoying extended intervals of solitude as a loner living in a one-bedroom flat, or letting go of some of that to be with a wonderful girl. In the end, I opted for the latter, and I am a better man for it.But just because I share a home with someone doesn't mean I have to be less alone. I now have a greater appreciation for solitude, and the effect is that instead of it being a standard way of living, lonerdom has become an indulgence, and that is a lot more fun.Doing things alone, preferably without your partner's knowledge, is like having a secret affair with yourself. Sneaking off to a daytime movie. Driving to a park and reading on a bench in the sunshine. Walking through an art gallery. Getting a little drunk on single malt and making sweet love to your cat while your partner is out of town.sdThese are just a few of the glorious, thrilling acts in which the solitary urban person can indulge. Why, I enjoyed the latter just the other evening. What could be better than 35 minutes of tipsy, uninterrupted and wholly unsupervised frottage with a Siamese under the light of a waxing moon?But this wilful infidelity, this secret existence, is not without its pitfalls. There's a rigmarole, a certain code of truth and respect that must be observed in order for the deliberate loner to enjoy a meaningful romance with his- or herself. Playing with yourself is a serious business.And so herewith some guidelines to perfecting the art of being alone:1) Always carry a book - whether you're having dinner for one at a great restaurant or enjoying a picnic, a book alerts bystanders that you are alone on purpose and not some saddo with no friends. Also, being engaged in a book acts as a deterrent for those who may consider coming over to strike up unwanted conversation.2) Get the lovebird seat at the cinema - this great innovation offers the comfort and space of two seats without the arm rest in the middle. Forget that silly on-screen message you get when you choose one ("These are for couples only. Do you still want the lovebird seat?"). Remember, you are a couple.story_article_right13) Try not to talk to yourself - solitude is a great time for reflection and contemplating humanity's greatest questions, but if you're caught muttering to yourself in public, it will be assumed that you're insane. Reserve the self-chatter for your cat.4) Maintain a dress code - you wouldn't go on a date wearing shorts, an old T-shirt and slip-slops, would you? Successful lonerdom must at all times be accompanied by an air of sophistication and desirability, and fine accoutrement ensures this (also, dressing well negates the presumption that the reason you're all by yourself is because you're socially inept and still live at home with your parents and perhaps own a blow-up doll).5) Body language, body language - lonesomely engaging in otherwise two-person acts in public can result in suspicion and pity from onlookers. Eliminate this by displaying self-assured body language at all times. Shoulders back, chest out, head high and a contented, non-rictus grin.6) Hide the evidence - nothing is more awkward than your partner confronting you with the SMS you sent to yourself, thanking you for the lovely evening, or those selfies with a magnificent seascape taken while you were "on business in Bloemfontein". Be scrupulous and a successful and rewarding dalliance with yourself is assured...