Sex Talk: How many times a month do most couples have sex?

Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng answers your sex questions

Q: Wife: I’m exhausted. How little sex with my husband can I get away with? Husband: My wife is always exhausted. How can I get more sex into our lives?

A: The truth is no one can quantify what represents "enough" sex for any couple.

Most of us feel unsatisfied, not only because we believe our partners lack sufficient interest in sex but also because we often expect our sex lives to remain unaffected by hectic work schedules, pressure to meet deadlines, household chores, children's schooling, extramural activities, etcetera.

Most couples have sex between three and five times a month and many couples are unnecessarily shy to admit this.

Unless a couple maintain honest and open communication, it is easy to harbour resentment for each other and one of the first things to suffer as a result is the sex life.

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It is so important to make time for self-care and self-love; refill your love tank with activities that you enjoy so that you are able to be present and emotionally available for your partner.

It may sound calculated and unromantic, but consider scheduling in advance a "date night" or free time with your partner - too many of us find our days and nights are taken up with catching up on work and other chores.

If one of you feels under pressure to have sex, and not enough time is spent during foreplay to reconnect and be intimate, sex tends to become like a chore we dread.

I always say to couples that when it comes to sex, quality is better than quantity.

Spoil your loved one with some "me-time" - for example, take over the childcare and household chores for the day, so they can feel valued and cared for.

Remember that we cannot give that which we do not have and that love is in the detail.

• Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng (MBChB), sexual and reproductive health practice, DISA Clinic, 011-886-2286, visit safersex.co.za

LET DR TLALENG TEACH YOUR TEENS ABOUT SEX

• Dr T is hosting a parents and teens seminar to help with the transition from childhood to adulthood. Topics include communication, decision-making, gender identity, sexual health and relationships. There will be a Q&A session.

February 4, 1pm to 6pm. R1,700 per child. Learning material, tea and lunch included. E-mail: drtpmofokeng@gmail.com or disa@icon.co.za

DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT SEX?

E-mail your questions to lifestyle@sundaytimes.co.za with SEX TALK as the subject. Anonymity assured.