Can an open relationship work?

Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng answers your sex questions

Q: I am a single woman in my 40s who is interested in someone as a partner but not on a permanent basis. I don't want to feel tied down. Can a non-exclusive relationship work?

A: Many people are now talking about and opting for "non-exclusive" relationships. Society in general appears to be more willing to discuss and accept these types of relationships.

Non-exclusive relationships, or what are sometimes referred to as open relationships, have a better chance of working if everyone involved agrees in advance without coercion, and if the rules of engagement are clearly spelt out.

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One detail people often fail to discuss is the opt-out procedure when the arrangement goes wrong.

Some of the arrangements may include:

"Ongoing booty call" - where you contact each other only for sex;

"Friends with benefits" - a no-strings deal between people who hang out as friends and have sex too; and

"Serial dating" - going on dates, which may or may not include sex, with different people.

The benefit of a pre-agreed non-exclusive relationship is that you can date or have protected sex with other people and not feel like you owe your other partner an explanation or that you are living a lie. But it is difficult to predict if it will work for you.

Jealousy, resentment and feelings of low self-esteem or low self-worth can creep in even with people who may have thought they had mastered the art of "sharing".

• Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng (MBChB), sexual and reproductive health practice, DISA Clinic, 011-886-2286, visit Safersex.co.za

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