Sex Talk: Why don't I find sex pleasurable?

Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng answers your sex questions

Q: I am a 36-year-old woman and I don't always feel pleasure when having sex. I only do it to please my husband. If it were up to me I would do it once a month. Sometimes this causes problems between us.

A: It is not uncommon for couples to have differences in libido and go through what are colloquially known as "droughts".

Aspects of sex over which partners differ can include, among others, its frequency, the pleasure obtained from it, ways of doing it and willingness to use sex toys. 

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One should always check for medical issues that could be the cause of low libido or a lack of pleasure during sex. It is important to think about hormonal imbalances, early menopause or side effects of hormonal contraceptives.

However, changes in libido or enjoyment of sex do not always mean there is a medical issue; they can be quite normal.

How your partner handles being in a celibate marriage may have an impact on your relationship. Communicating your desires is important.

Intimacy does not only mean penetration; I would encourage you to find ways of remaining intimate with your partner to reduce the sexual distance between you.

You and your husband may require professional help to understand issues of consent within a marriage and work through the incompatibility. Both of you may have to be willing to make changes.

• Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng (MBChB), sexual and reproductive health practice, DISA Clinic, 011-886-2286, visit safersex.co.za

LET DR TLALENG TEACH YOUR TEENS ABOUT SEX

• Dr T is hosting a parents and teens seminar to help with the transition from childhood to adulthood. Topics include communication, decision-making, gender identity, sexual health and relationships. There will be a Q&A session.

February 4, 1pm to 6pm. R1,700 per child. Learning material, tea and lunch included. E-mail: drtpmofokeng@gmail.com or disa@icon.co.za

DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT SEX?

E-mail your questions to lifestyle@sundaytimes.co.za with SEX TALK as the subject. Anonymity assured.