One of the best things about living in South Africa and many other parts of our continent is that starting a conversation with strangers is not frowned upon. We're a generally sociable lot in public spaces. I've been to many countries where initiating small talk with strangers elicits looks that convince you that you're a Star Trek character with a ridged forehead and speak Klingon.I remember attempting to strike up a conversation with a fellow without lips in a London pub some years ago. He looked at me in utter befuddlement before retorting, "I beg your pardon?". The idiot I am, I thought he was hard of hearing. So repeated, louder: "I said lovely weather for this time of year, innit?" Yes. That's how I talk when I'm in London (which I pronounce 'Lawndun' when I'm over there to blend in). He repeated, with enunciation, "I. Beg. Your. Pardon?"Only then did the penny drop - the lipless bastard lacked the Ebonics vocab to tell me, "Yo dawg, you don't know me like dat, namsayin'?" So I slunk away and went to sulk in a corner with a R75 Stella in my hand.block_quotes_start Random conversations with strangers would go a long way towards achieving social cohesion block_quotes_endBut I must confess that I totally get where he was coming from. Cultural norms aside, people relate to small talk differently. I know this because frivolous chitchat is not something that comes naturally to me. And yet I was raised in a neighbourhood where walking past anyone without stopping to complain about the great drought of 1981 and the yellow maize meal it brought was considered extremely rude.But I'm working on my standoffish ways. Until just a few years ago, a stranger trying to talk to me during a flight made me feel like a caged Johannesburg Zoo tiger. This is because some serial chit-chatters will ignore every hint that their victim would rather be sentenced to 10 years of committing Karl Marx's Das Kapital to memory inside a North Korean jail than listen to them jabber on about their boring children.story_article_left1One such character droned on and on about a variety of riveting topics such his import/export business and his son's underwhelming achievements, before attempting to extract information about why I was flying to Dubai. By the time he was done interrogating me I wished I had just told him I was an assassin on my way to take out Sheikh Al Maktoum. That sort of response tends to make people give you a wide berth.However, this is not the "I hate small talk" column. This is the "I'm a reformed man who now accepts that a little frivolous prattle between strangers on the Gautrain harms no one" column. In fact, when executed right, without breaking the fundamental rules of the Chitchat Code of Conduct (the CCC), pointless chatter can actually be a lot of fun. It's also an opportunity to widen one's business network.Also, I reckon that if more people struck up random conversations with strangers it would go a long way towards achieving that heart-warming, fuzzy social cohesion whatchamacallit that folks have been yammering about for years in the symposium circuit. Let it never be said that I don't do my bit to advance the lofty ideals of our highly touted National Democratic Revolution.So, to make the world "a better place for you and for me and the entire human race", let me share some dos and don'ts straight out of the CCC.The first and most obvious of these rules is learning to pick up signs that someone doesn't want to be bothered. A dead giveaway that someone isn't keen on being socially cohesive with you is when their headphones are on, or they're typing furiously on their Samsung Galaxy or they're neck deep into a novel.The most irritating question you can ask in these situations is, "So, what are you reading?" That's just opening yourself up to the most appropriate response. "Before you interrupted me I was reading How to Avoid Small Talk with Strangers on the Gautrain."story_article_right2Reading body language is also key. Someone leaning away from you is a clear sign. More than two curt, monosyllabic responses such as "Mmm", "Oh" or "Ah" also means, "I didn't get it all this morning, so buzz off". The sign I ignored in that London pub is that the gentleman who blew me off was wearing a Liverpool jersey after Chelsea had handed Liverpool FC their behinds the previous evening. Let's agree that I had it coming.The second rule is to never ask personal questions, the most popular of these being: "So what do you do for a living?" Unless you are a job recruiter and you're looking to offer me a lucrative job, this is a no-no. That's just forcing people to lie because who's going to tell a stranger that they work in the toe-clipping division of a dog parlour?The third rule in the CCC is to avoid politics. It's amazing just how many times I get asked, "So what do you think of Zuma, the ANC and where this country is going?" What grates my nipples about this question is that it's almost invariably followed by a mind-numbingly boring monologue about the country going to the dogs (to have their toes clipped, I'm guessing). I'm sorry, but shoving your political views on complete strangers is just rude.I'll tell you what, though, I can direct you to Minister Fikile Mbalula's Twitter account and you can harangue him there. Let me know how that works out. And lastly, I cannot believe that this point needs to be specifically stated. But it is absolutely never OK to strike up a conversation with the person in the adjacent stall in a public toilet.The only exception I can think of is when you rush into the stall on account of the mutton curry you bought from an auntie in Phoenix, Durban, and you realise too late that the loo paper dispenser is empty.Follow the writer on twitter @NdumisoNgcobongcobon@sundaytimes.co.za..