Is there a respectful slang word for breasts?

18 September 2016 - 02:00 By SUE DE GROOT

There are hundreds of nicknames for boobs, all of them offensive I have a friend who once stated her objection, loudly and publicly, to the use of any word besides "breasts" for those troublesome glands found at the forefront of women."That is the only acceptable word for them," she said sternly. "I will not tolerate breasts being called anything but breasts."The predictable result of this principled stance was a barrage of euphemisms being bandied about every time she was in hearing range. Some shouted "fun bags!" deliberately; others accidentally found themselves using the words "knockers", "cans" and "bazookas" in her presence.(This often happens when one is trying so hard not to say the thing one should not say that one cannot help but say it. The words you want to avoid burst out uncontrollably. If you need proof of this theory, watch the film where Austin Powers makes a manful attempt not to mention the massive mole on his companion's face.)block_quotes_start It is possible that free-thinking hens complain about the objectification of their kind when they see men drooling over severed thighs and breasts block_quotes_endThe point my friend was making is, however, a valid one: There is no nice, respectful nickname for breasts. They are all a bit dodgy, if not downright derogatory. The most common slang word for a breast is "boob", which also means a stupid person or foolish mistake. If that's not an insult I don't know what is.Then there's that chain of restaurants, you know the one, the one whose name is inspired by the noise an owl makes. Hooters is on an international mission to change its image from a place for owl lovers and sports watchers and is now marketing itself as a family-friendly destination with good food.One might think this difficult given the name, but language is constantly changing and stranger things have happened. No feminist objects to the fresh-fruit bar called Melons, after all.story_article_left1The thing about breasts is they come in pairs, so any word associated with them only really works in the plural. If Shakespeare's Globe Theatre had been called "The Globes", there might have been a roar of protest about sexism and objectification, even though the only globes on stage in Shakespeare's day were made of socks stuffed into the tunics of male actors playing female characters. Actually I'm not sure they wore socks back then. Perhaps I mean stockings.But let's get back to breasts. Some of the other offensive names for them are mounds, pistols, cushions, bongos, balloons, lady lumps, chesticles, spheres, cannons, jiggles, power puffs and puppies, and that doesn't even begin to fill the cup.Going through this list, my friend's insistence on "breasts" is understandable. Anything else seems to detach these anatomical appurtenances from the human frame and present them on a plate with no connection to a real person with a face and name. Which is all rather sinister, really.It's not only men at fault. In 1968's Funny Girl, Barbra Streisand sang: "When a girl's incidentals are no bigger then two lentils ..." And here we were trying so hard not to mention her nose.The problem with breasts, of course, is that they also belong firmly in the sphere of poultry. It is possible that free-thinking hens complain about the objectification of their kind when they see men drooling over severed thighs and breasts. If we are ever to reattach breasts to their rightful owners and stop snickering about them, it will take a new word entirely. Anyone want to have a go?E-mail your observations on words and language to Sue de Groot on degroots@sundaytimes.co.za or follow her on Twitter @deGrootS1..

There’s never been a more important time to support independent media.

From World War 1 to present-day cosmopolitan South Africa and beyond, the Sunday Times has been a pillar in covering the stories that matter to you.

For just R80 you can become a premium member (digital access) and support a publication that has played an important political and social role in South Africa for over a century of Sundays. You can cancel anytime.

Already subscribed? Sign in below.



Questions or problems? Email helpdesk@timeslive.co.za or call 0860 52 52 00.