Sex Talk: Why do women fake orgasms?

26 February 2017 - 02:00 By Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng
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When expectations of sex do not match the reality, the likelihood of faking orgasm is greater.
When expectations of sex do not match the reality, the likelihood of faking orgasm is greater.
Image: Supplied

Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng answers your sex questions

Q: I thought that my wife and I had a good sexual relationship, but recently she admitted that she sometimes pretends to reach orgasm. Why would she do that? What should I do to ensure she is happy?

A: Faking an orgasm is much like scoring an own goal; well, for the most part. Many people fake orgasm during oral sex, phone sex and, most often, during penetrative sex.

The common reaction for the partner is to feel cheated or lied to (that is, if you find out). But looking beyond that it may be worthwhile to interrogate your own predetermined sexual script and the pressure you may be putting on your sexual partner.

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It is true that faking orgasm is something that is more common among women but it is important to note that men have also reported doing it.

People give various reasons for resorting to this: they want to avoid hurting their partner's feelings, they want the partner to think they are good in bed, or they just want sex to end.

Research published in the Journal of Sex Research suggests that a sexual script in which women are supposed to climax before men and in which men are responsible for women's orgasms can limit the enjoyment of intercourse.

When people's expectations of sex do not match the reality of the experience, the likelihood of faking orgasm increases.

In the end, this does not help to resolve the issues underlying anyone's inability to enjoy sex or have an orgasm when they want to.

The best approach is to take the time to have a conversation with your partner about how you can please each other — and get rid of the predefined scripts for sex.

Dr Tlaleng Mofokeng (MBChB), sexual and reproductive health practice, DISA Clinic, 011-886-2286, visit safersex.co.za

 

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