Think twice before you let social media turn your life into a family show

Many parents love to share pics of their children — but there are risks, writes Claire Keeton

Do parents have the right to share their children's lives online or does the potential harm outweigh the benefits?

Parents can police their kids online but children typically have no control over the image their parents create of them on social media, a digital legacy that could follow them for life.

When parents disclose information about their children in the age of social media they must consider their wellbeing beyond the present and into the future.

story_article_left1

Paediatrician Bahareh Keith of the University of Florida, who led a study on children's online privacy released this week, said: "Even for me as a parent I did not think twice, but once photos are out there, they are out there. We want parents to think about the potential and unanticipated risk of how much they share and with who."

In the US, 92% of two-year-olds have an online presence.

In South Africa some parents have set up Instagram and Facebook accounts for their children while others are strict about protecting their privacy.

Cape Town couple Pharro and Clinton Jurgens feel that the lives of their two-year-old twins have been enhanced by having Instagram and Facebook pages.

Pharro, the director of an agency that represents photographers and stylists, established the accounts so the twins would have a record of their childhood. She regrets that she and Clinton have few photos from when they were young.

She said: "One place you can always find photos is if you tag them and keep a profile online. We have tagged everything we do on weekends since birth and the twins have a whole history to look at."

Major retailers have approached her about using the twins' images after viewing their Instagram accounts.

But writer Zinhle Msimango, 31, feels her young daughter's privacy is paramount.

"From early on I took the decision that I did not want my baby on social media. If my friends take pictures of her and put them on Facebook, I ask them to remove them.

block_quotes_start As a publicist I do not think it's right to create an image for my daughter, though lots of my friends have done this block_quotes_end

"When she's old enough and she wants to be on social media that's fine. I have Instagram, Twitter and Facebook accounts but I am very private and careful what I share.

"My decision is unusual because it's become the norm to overshare," said Msimango.

Johannesburg psychologist Tyrone Edgar said parents had to be aware that each post could influence their child's life for better or worse. "This digital legacy ... can be retrieved and dissected by others with good or bad intentions."

Children needed the same protection on social media as their parents would expect to provide in any sphere of life.

"There is a tendency for parents and children to assume the boundaries that apply socially don't necessarily apply digitally. This is a false perception," Edgar said.

story_article_right2

Johannesburg psychologist Joanna Kleovoulou said many of her clients were parents who wanted to know about protecting their children, but sometimes it was the children themselves who were worried.

"Some teens have communicated the inappropriate sharing of images and comments posted by their parents, or parents oversharing information that the child perceives as private and personal to the family," she said.

Johannesburg psychologist Liane Lurie said parents should always be aware of the risks of internet predators and paedophiles, and also of the harm that posting negative images or stories about children could do.

These could be ammunition for bullying and parents should avoid such posts, including those about problematic behaviour, Lurie said.

On the other hand social media often proved the easiest way to share celebratory content with family and friends far away.

Johannesburg publicist Farah Fortune, owner of African Star Communications, has strict privacy settings on her account so that only her family and close friends can see images of her child.

"As a publicist I do not think it's right to create an image for my daughter, though lots of my friends have done this," she said.

"She is 11. I do not know what she will be like when she is 18, 21. When she grows up she can create the image she wants.

"We must not forget we are answerable to our kids when they grow up."

Fortune said people of her generation did not know what it was like to have their lives exposed online as children.

block_quotes_start Even more likely, the child might one day want to have some privacy and control over his or her digital identity block_quotes_end

Melanie Ramjee, who is also in public relations, said she was confident that her child Musa, 4, had benefited from having his own Instagram account complete with captions.

"For us it opened doors. He got modelling jobs and he gets invited to lots of kiddies' events. He has a better quality of life," said Ramjee.

"Initially his settings were private but I opened it up. He is crying every day to be on Snapchat," she said.

Reporter Yolisa Mkele, 29, said he posted six or seven pictures of his daughter on Instagram every week.

"She's cute, so I like to pop her up. Usually I post if she's playing a cool game, and the other day I posted a fun Snapchat story of cops and robbers while she was chasing me around the garden. We are millennial parents," he said.

story_article_left3

The queen of bling, Khanyi Mbau, has made it easy for her daughter Khanukani to follow in her celeb footsteps with an Instagram account and now the nine-year-old has a modelling contract.

"I set up a digital album for my daughter to store her memories. I am careful not to put out personal information and guard it. I never allow her to get onto it," she said.

Legal professor Stacey Steinberg, co-author of the University of Florida study, warned that information shared could be stolen or repeatedly reshared without parents knowing, potentially ending up in the hands of paedophiles or identify thieves.

"Even more likely, the child might one day want to have some privacy and control over his or her digital identity," she said.

What's clear from the experts is this: think twice before you post.

Otherwise, as in recent cases in France and Australia, one day your kids may sue you for violating their privacy.