Stuart Baxter must slaughter a goat - or shave his goatee - to perform a cleansing ceremony for his curriculum vitae. It has been soiled by a beard-hating cantankerous club owner in Turkey who relegates Boswell Wilkie to novice status when it comes to crazy circus antics.Meet Ilhan Cavcav, the 81-year-old boss of Genclerbirligi who grew cold turkey on Baxter in the blink of an eye.The ink had hardly dried on Baxter's contract and this Cavcav character booted the Briton out of the club after a mere two matches (both defeats) into the new campaign.Quick newsflash: In her report titled Close, But No Cigar, the public probe-tector has confirmed that there's no evidence confirming that Cavcav is not related to Chippa Mpengesi.story_article_left1"For now the similarities end at their penchant for pulling the trigger at poor coaches," pronounced Dust Mad Don Sela, who added: "I recommend a DNA test so that we can arrive at a conclusive conclusion."This Mcavisto old geezer is a hair-raising maverick extraordinaire who last year came up with a bizarre ban at his club."Is this an imam school," he barked at players with beards before imposing a ban on facial hair and threatening a R144138 fine for transgressors.Stick to cricket, Hashim!At this stage it is unclear whether Baxter's goatee grated the pancreas of the man who tried but failed to influence the Turkish Football Federation to declare a nationwide war prohibiting footballers from maintaining their muttonchops.The irony of it all is that Cavcav is himself mustachioed. Clearly what is good for the goose ...We've heard all about coaches banning bedroom aerobics before matches or tournaments as Luiz Felipe Scolari did with the Brazil squad at the last World Cup.Who knows, maybe that 7-1 demolition by Germany had nothing to do with the Selecao missing Neymar and was rather a direct result of Scolari's fornication prohibition.One day the truth will come out when the FBI investigates the Brazil 2014 World Cup.Back to Baxter.After three seasons laden with success, Baxter, with a year left in his contract, ditched Kaizer Chiefs because of professional tension.story_article_right2That's football talk which in plain English means he felt his authority was undermined when players were brought in without his approval.The parties parted ways amicably, more football jargon for pack your bags and vamoose.Buoyed by a record-breaking campaign Baxter waved bye-bye, feeling fit to broaden his horizon. Baxter, you see, is a driven person, an example that a man with no ambition is a waste of oxygen.That ambition saw him turn his back on sunny South Africa and trek to torrid Turkey.Little did he know that he wouldn't be enveloped in Turkish delight.The professional tension that made him leave Chiefs was a Sunday picnic compared to the professional lunacy displayed by Cavcav.In South Africa, Baxter had three seasons, four trophies, two league and two cup competitions and quit with a year to go on his contract.In Turkey, Baxter had pre-season and two games and later got the heave-ho. Sure, they didn't start the season with a swagger."But to give a guy the boot for that is the lowest of lows even by Chippa Mpengesi's standards," remarked Mad Don Sela.The cliche that the grass is not always greener on the other side has never been more apt.Twitter: @bbkunplugged99..