Mandela Day South Africans got on bikes, stages and their best behaviour to celebrate the man his family still mourn, but tensions still run high in the Mandela household, with family members not always seeing eye to eye nearly 20 months after the statesman's death. This is according to Ndaba Mandela, who spoke candidly this week about life after his grandfather in an exclusive interview with the Sunday Times on the eve of yesterday's Mandela Day celebrations.story_article_left1Despite this being the first birthday celebration after the year-long mourning period, members of the family did not team up on projects - not even in Qunu and Mvezo, two villages central to Mandela's life.While reluctant to talk about the family squabbles, Ndaba, 35, a son of Mandela's second-eldest son, Makgatho, admitted that relations were strained in Mandela's final months and continue to be so today.Allegations of grave-tampering against Ndaba's big brother and Mvezo chief Mandla Mandela, as well as the recent court case lodged by Mandela's former wife Winnie Madikizela-Mandela claiming ownership of the family's Qunu homestead, have not helped matters."Things have cooled down, but there are still some divisions. It happens with all families. Some families are closer than others, and that's life. But there is no animosity," saidNdaba.Rather than focus on the negative, Ndaba said that when faced with challenges, he would think back to the relationship he had with his grandfather. Of all the grandchildren, Ndaba seems most like Mandela, from his accent to his mannerisms, which makes sense as he lived with him from the age of 11.He recalled his first meeting with his grandfather, which took place three years before he would move into Mandela's Houghton home."My family told me I was going to see him at the Victor Verster Prison. I had a typical picture of jail: concrete, bars, the cold, and that he would be in handcuffs, that kind of thing. But, to my surprise, it was a house, a beautiful house with a swimming pool, with a VCR, with chefs."I thought to myself that when I grow up I want to go to jail, because this is where you want to be to live the good life," said Ndaba, chuckling at his own naivety.full_story_image_hleft1That meeting was in 1990 when Ndaba was seven years old, and just weeks before Mandela was released. He had spent about a year in a house in the prison complex, after serving 18 years on Robben Island before being moved to Pollsmoor Prison on the mainland.Ndaba still vividly remembers that first meeting, including a "very happy" and "warm" Mandela half-watching The Never-Ending Story with him and his siblings between conversations with their parents.That visit was the start of an extremely close relationship. Towards the end of 1993, Ndaba moved into the Houghton home at Mandela's insistence. Over the next 20 years, Ndaba came to look up to Madiba as his "second father".This, Ndaba said, made losing him in December 2013 particularly difficult. He describes a "really tough" 20 months since then."I spent more time with my grandfather than I spent with my own father ... I had two fathers: I had my real father, and I had Nelson Mandela," he said.That father figure was the same person the world saw on the public stage - but also a disciplinarian."If he walked past my room and it wasn't tidy, I would get scolded, and I would be made to clean it up. He was strict. I remember once I lost a [school] jersey for the second time. I was scared and I had to tell him because it was winter and I needed a jersey. He was angry. He said to me, 'Tonight you will sleep outside. Go.'"I was sitting outside and it was beginning to get dark, then he sent Mama Xoli [the housekeeper] to me with a blanket. I thought, damn, he actually means it and I'm going to sleep outside, and it was really chilly. Then 30 to 40 minutes later he came to me and said that if I ever lost a jersey again I would really sleep outside, and he sent me inside for supper and straight to bed."But it worked, I've never lost a jersey ever again," said the political science and international relations graduate.Madiba told the family "thousands of stories", but his perennial favourite was about the first time he used a knife and fork. Imitating his grandfather's body language and hand gestures, Ndaba said Mandela was having dinner at the home of a young girl he liked. She was from a wealthier family than his, and when he sat down to eat, he was given utensils he had never used at home."He was given a chicken wing, which he insisted was half-cooked because whenever he tried to jab it with the fork it kept moving. He insisted the girl's mom did it on purpose," said Ndaba.story_article_right2The biggest challenge for him has been moving out of his grandfather's imposing shadow. "I stayed with my grandfather, so I never had to worry about buying food or paying for security guards, or things like that. I had an allowance, I worked [and] I had to just take care of myself."It's been a good journey coming into myself as a man, taking care of the house, taking care of my own kids [and] just playing that role of being the older brother. I've got two younger brothers, I've got three kids now, I'm a single dad."I've inherited the house in Houghton, along with my brothers, and we've also inherited the house in Qunu, which, although it's a family house, I'm the only one currently looking after it, together with my aunt Makaziwe [Mandela's oldest living child]. So, yeah, it's been a journey."Ndaba said he was led by Mandela's "teachings, guidance, principles, sense of humour, charisma, leadership [and] incredible sense of understanding of things and people"."I feel the old man has done so much for me. He's enabled me to open doors that many people can't. He's really guided me and educated me, and everything positive I have in my life I owe to him," said Ndaba.savidesm@sundaytimes.co.za..