Our son, 18, doesn't like our house rules. How do we set the boundaries, yet respect his freedom? We pay for his studies

SHRINK RAP

IF HE had the appropriate level of maturity and judgment required to be independent, he would understand your limitations and concerns, and agree with your approach.

It is difficult when the person you are dealing with is in many respects an adult and in other respects a child.

It is necessary for all adults in the home to negotiate the rules of courtesy and respect. The test of maturity is how to balance rights and privileges with responsibilities and obligations.

You need to ask him what he is prepared to offer in order to reassure you that he respects what you want from him.

Ask him what he expects in return. - Leonard Carr

SUPERNANNY

YOUR son is trying to flex his muscles of independence at 18.

That's normal. However, until he is financially independent, you have the right to hold him accountable for his actions.

I would suggest you sit down for a discussion about your living arrangements.

What is the purpose of a curfew? Is it for safety or to make sure he gets to class the next day? Is it better that he returns from clubbing at a designated time or safer that he stays at a friend's place and SMSes you to let you know he is there?

Ensure that he takes up some adult responsibilities around the home.

Freedom requires responsibility. - Stephanie Dawson-Cosser