At the age of 37, Orlando Bloom should have better things to do with his time than scuffle with a 20-year-old delinquent like Justin Bieber, purportedly over Miranda Kerr, Bloom's ex-wife.
But boys will be boys and, according to gossip site TMZ, mixed martial artist legend Forrest Griffin has offered to train Bloom to get the best of "The Bieb" should they ever wrangle again.
Bloom apparently threw a punch at Bieber at an upmarket restaurant in Ibiza on Wednesday, though it did not connect with the pop brat.
A video after the missed punch showed Bieber shouting: "What's up, bitch?" to Bloom.
He subsequently posted a picture of Kerr in a bathing suit on his Instagram page (which he later deleted), followed by another of Bloom crying.
Griffin, a former UFC light heavyweight champion, said Bloom cannot afford to throw a "weak-ass punch".
He told TMZ: " If they ever fight again, I can show him some moves so he can win. But I gotta warn Orlando. I think Floyd Mayweather Jnr is gonna train Bieber, and that guy's a monster."
It is a pity, perhaps, that Bloom and Bieber did not act more like the Russians. Not necessarily the modern kind - though a bit more steely aggression would not have gone amiss - but the 19th-century Romantics who were as famous for duels as poems. Neither Bloom nor Bieber are cut from the same mould as Mikhail Lermontov, the author of A Hero of Our Time who died after agreeing to a duel.
Imagine if Bieber and Bloom agreed to duel in the mountains of Ibiza at dawn, each flanked with a pistol and a second man?
P-Diddy and Paris Hilton were both reportedly at the restaurant.
But being heroes of our times, Bloom and Bieber decided to see it out through their spokesmen and social media.
The demise of the duel might have saved many of our most prominent artists from an early death, but it would have made for a better upload.
Hopefully, Pirates of the Caribbean 5, or the follow-up to Beauty and the Beat, prove better than the video of the pair's silly tiff in Ibiza.
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