Speedo Swag: Have you got frontage?

18 December 2014 - 02:03 By Yolisa Mkele
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The time has come. You have spent the year slaving away in a gym that only plays techno so that, come December, you're ready for Speedo season.

But before you run out and grab the first tiger-print mankini that catches your eye, it is important to remember that there is no equality in swimwear, and only a chosen few can pull off wearing any variation of the Speedo without looking like an ageing European sex offender.

With that in mind, there are still a range of options to suit everyone The most accessible of these are:

Swim trunks

The staple of many a male beachgoer. They're comfortable and do a good job of concealing sensitive information. They come in a variety of colours and patterns, so get something exciting. It is important to remember to keep it above the knee because you're no longer in school.

Available virtually anywhere they sell a variety of men's clothes.

Tight-fitting trunks

For those who regularly attended Planet Fitness torture sessions, a tight-fitting swim trunk, à la Daniel Craig in Casino Royale, is a significantly more rewarding option than a mere pair of waterproof shorts. Under no circumstances should you buy a pair that's too small because you'll look like you have stolen some child's underwear. Plain, muted colouring is generally the best way to go with these.

  • Available widely. Try G's Menswear. Contact 021-421-2944

Speedos

Unless you are a professional swimmer or bodybuilder it is best to keep your dignity and leave these on the shelf. If you do have a package that you deem everyone's business, then by all means make it known, but do remember to do the prerequisite ''speedo wax".

  • Available at Sportsman's Warehouse

Slingbag Speedo

Dubbed the "Lateral Flash Thong",it hooks around one leg to barely cover your beanstalk. It is obviously only for people whose bodies could appear in magazines.

  • Can be ordered from www.inderwear.com
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