Loose lips sink partnerships

20 January 2015 - 02:00 By Nivashni Nair
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There are many ways to ruin a date but for South Africans the surest way to extinguish the romantic flame is to quibble about the bill.

The #FiveWordstoRuinaDate hashtag has been trending on Twitter for a week, with disgruntled daters revealing the utterances that sent their companions packing.

While "I think my water broke", "My ankle bracelet? It's electronic", "I usually date beautiful women" and "Yes, these are indeed Crocs" ruined romantic outings in the UK and US, most South African deal-breakers revolved around payment of the bill for dinner.

Dates officially ended when the words "I left my wallet at home. Are you going to pay?" and "Will they accept my coupons?" were uttered.

Bonita Grobbelaar, executive matchmaker at Match VIP and a dating coach, said it sometimes took fewer than five words to ruin a date.

"Most people are horrible at dating and don't really have a clue. We should give them a second chance though, as they might turn out to be a really great partner in every other way.

"Just because your social skills are lacking doesn't mean you're a terrible long-term partner. Be slower to judge people and give them a second chance. Perhaps he really did leave his wallet at home," she advised.

According to Grobbelaar, the most common ways of ruining a date include going on about work and trying to oversell yourself, drinking too much and then blabbering on endlessly about your personal life.

And bad-mouthing an ex-lover shows that you haven't "moved on".

She advises daters to keep stuff like your depression, bipolar disorder, addiction or level of debt for later in the relationship, not for a first date.

"While I am not saying people should lie about these things, some of them are absolutely non-negotiable for some people. It is, therefore, important to time revealing this information carefully.

"Once your partner has got to know the real you, and has fallen in love with you, he or she should be able to deal with it.

"People think they need to reveal it all on the first date - not so. But you shouldn't lie. You should downplay these qualities," Grobbelaar explained.

"I wear leathers on weekends" were the #Fivewordstoruinadate Grobbelaar heard eight years ago.

"I met a tall, dark and handsome gentleman who was a chartered accountant and thought, 'Wow, this might be it'.

"As our first glass of wine arrived he proceeded to tell me that he wears leather hot pants with stockings and that he loved wearing eyeliner at the weekends.

"That obviously changed the conversation and I gulped down my wine and ran."

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