If your job is a nightmare ...

10 April 2015 - 02:44 By Rhymer Rigby, ©The Daily Telegraph

Being in a job you hate can be like being in an abusive relationship. Usually this is not in the sense that your job gives you a bloody nose or a black eye, although, as the Clarkson fracas shows, this can sometimes happen.More often it is a kind of mental cruelty that builds up slowly, with the job coming to dominate your life - and not in a good way. It can be the result of a boss who is a tyrant, it can be bullying colleagues or peer pressure, or it can be a toxic corporate culture.You feel undermined, undervalued, humiliated and, crucially, trapped. Of course, you could just leave. But, like a bad relationship, it can take a long time before you realise just how bad things are.What are the signs of an abusive relationship with your job?No friends outside work. You do nearly all your socialising with colleagues. You are made to feel that you're missing out on something important if you skip after-work drinks or social occasions. You realise you don't actually like your colleagues very much. Then you feel guilty for having that thought.Your boss, company and even your colleagues use money to control you. You are reminded that you are paid very well and this is presented as the justification for every unreasonable request. As we tend to measure our salary against our colleagues', you don't have to be earning very much for this to work.You feel the constant urge to prove yourself. You crave praise. When you get it, you feel on top of the world. When you don't, you know it's your fault.Presenteeism. "Leaving a bit early?" your colleague asks, as you try and slip out five minutes early. Your boss said something similar when you arrived in the morning. But you just get a stream of largely unnecessary e-mails and phone calls whether you're at work or not.You have no idea what "good" looks like. You do, however, know what "bad" looks like, because that's what you deliver most of the time. Of course, your boss will never actually tell you what he really wants because keeping you in the dark is a form of control. When you do deliver good work people show their approval by not saying anything.You are constantly told how lucky you are to have your job. Dozens of other people would jump at the chance to fill your shoes. And you wouldn't stand a chance anywhere else.You are asked to do things you are not comfortable with. These might be ethically dubious or actually illegal. Or they can just be humiliating, like being asked to do tasks way below your pay grade.You feel trapped. Although you hate your job and dread going to work, you have no idea how you might begin to find another job. You are defined by your work because your life outside it has shrivelled to nothing.You don't take all your holidays. You take as little leave as you can because you're made to feel guilty when you're away. When you were in Thailand last month, your boss called at 3am about a trivial matter. Instead of apologising for waking you he muttered about the mess you'd left before you went.You spend a lot of time daydreaming. Mostly, these are unrealistic fantasies such as your boss dying in a freak paragliding accident - even though your boss doesn't paraglide...

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