At last we no longer need to feel bad about losing to the All Blacks. The message that went out after Saturday night's 27-20 implosion against those damned ABs was that "we were beaten, but we played well". As Oscar Wilde said about the All Blacks: there is only one thing worse than losing to them, and that's losing well.The feeling of relief, then, is similar to being taken home by a drunken driver, knowing that he will crash, but finding it's just a gentle rear-ender with no cops in sight.My rugby therapist says it's part of overcoming an All Blacks phobia. Is she treating Heyneke Meyer as well?She says we both need to know that it's all right to lose to the All Blacks as long as we recognise that Jesse Kriel and Willie le Roux can catch the New Zealand defence on the wrong foot (on occasion), that Bismarck du Plessis can frighten Kieran Read (at least once) and that it will take four All Blacks to bring Damian de Allende down.It's this acceptance that can help us sleep peacefully on a Saturday night, she says. It also helps us forget being caught by a Kiwi sucker-punch that was so blatantly advertised - with Richie McCaw standing out of that last lineout - that the All Blacks might as well have bought a centre-page spread in last Friday's Times.Personally, I'm glad I no longer have to feel so bad about losing to the All Blacks. It's happened too often. In the past 10 years I have cried myself to sleep 15 Saturday nights out of 22. And four of the Boks' seven winning margins consisted of three points or fewer. The tears then were of sheer relief.And who am I to argue with the feel-good factor when even Meyer believes there were "positives" to be taken from the game? Before being told that it's now okay not to feel bad, I had believed that "taking positives" from a defeat was just another excuse for a coach who had run out of excuses. Now I know better.So I still feel good, even though I suspect that the All Blacks are also our Nemesis in what is known as the "post-match analysis". This is where the coach and captain have a chance to rub the defeated team's noses in it. Usually the Bok coach misses the opportunity; the All Blacks coach - whether it is Graham Henry or the current Steve Hansen - seldom does.After beating the Argentines fairly comfortably a week before nailing the Boks, Hansen cast suspicion on one of the Bok strengths, the driving maul from the lineout. Hansen described it as "illegal obstruction" and suggested the laws should be changed so that collapsing one of those juggernauts should be allowed. After all, he argued, no one had ever been injured in a collapsed maul. (Unlike Hansen, I don't have the statistics on this.)With a straight face, Hansen said all he wanted was a fair contest - and that the driving maul did not provide one. All that Meyer could offer at his post-match analysis were positives and singling out yet a few more "quality" players.Even at debating level, it seems, the ABs have the better of us. And it's not easy to feel good about that...