Acting Out: Hurt me good

17 August 2015 - 02:00 By Yolisa Mkele

At first glance there is nothing untoward about the house in Sunninghill, Johannesburg, filled as it is with patterned china and frilly upholstery. Open a partially hidden door at the top of the stairs, however, and things take a kinky turn.The door leads into a small, dark dungeon replete with gimp masks, mirrors, canes and whips. This is Miss Paige's office.Miss Paige, dark-haired and lithe, is a dominatrix servicing the bondage, dominance, submission and masochism (BDSM) needs of Gauteng's upper echelon."I used to be a marketing strategist but I got tired of politics and corporate bullshit," she says."When I started, I had no idea what I was doing. It took me a year working 14 hours a day six days a week to learn BDSM."It's not just picking up a cane and beating the crap out of someone. You have to delve into the psychology of dominating someone and why someone needs it."Miss Paige says we all have a dark side. It may not yearn to be hog-tied to the ceiling and flogged but it's there."We all have a fantasy that is kinky. Kinky is everything that is not missionary style, including BDSM," she says.Her clients are mainly rich and powerful men looking to be dominated in the same way that they dominate others in the business world."The most popular request is probably bondage but I do just about everything BDSM-related."This includes cross-dressing, tie and tease, corporal punishment, foot fetish and suspension."When a client first arrives," says Miss Paige, "we go through a kind of negotiation. I assess their hard limits, soft limits, phobias and medical conditions to get a sense of what they can take."The initial screening process also establishes what her limits are."I won't do blood-play, knife-play, scat- play or infantilism."People often think I'm a prostitute but there is also no sex at all. I won't even strip."Delving into the deeper chasms of people's psyches takes its toll on the mind and body, says Miss Paige."People come in with some really heavy issues. Sometimes people will want me to re-enact childhood traumas."This is not a glamorous job. My feet are on fire every single day of my life. It is physically and mentally exhausting."Her work ethic has not stopped people from assuming the worst about her, and as a result she has built up a hard outer shell."It's not just about standing here in my boots and getting someone to lick my boots."I'm not going to let anyone judge me, because at the end of the day those husbands that thought it was awesome are coming to see me," she says with a snarl of defiance.However, "people who have taken the time to get to know me have found that I'm actually a marshmallow inside".It is easy to be drawn into the narrative that a dominatrix is a cruel, cold-hearted succubus."Your clients want an emotionless goddess, ready to fulfil their darkest desires with feigned delight."The rest of the world believes that you're a harlot trying to steal their men."The truth, at least in Miss Paige's case, is that being a dominatrix is just another job, and that she, like most of us, has a soft centre.For more information contact misspaige@differentstrokes.co.za..

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