On first seeing the screengrab of the Instagram post that made the rounds on social media yesterday, I was dismayed. Was that really a schoolgirl willingly subjecting herself to a simulation of a teenage boy's porn gangbang fantasy? On closer inspection it was really a boy dressed up as a girl. In the picture, the boys all demonstrate that slightly awkward runaway glee found on the face of kids doing something really naughty but super fun.The body language of the boy in drag looks uncomfortable and put upon. Perhaps he is really getting into character.The caption does not bear repeating. The Twittersphere is outraged, but then they are always on the brink of fresh new outrage. Now they are baying for blood. It will probably result in the expulsion of these boys and everyone will move on by next week.Teenage schoolboys will be teenage schoolboys. I don't ever want access to their inner thoughts as I imagine they would be rather monotonous due to their fixation on their appendages and sundry orifices. But social media has laid bare the inner workings of that brain.The fact that the boys' Instagram account is private means absolutely nothing as we have repeatedly seen. So I hope that it serves as a salutary warning to anyone engaged in high jinks who thinks they should post said jinks for posterity.The headmaster might be tempted to expel these boys because he needs to send a message to the rest of the school, their parents and the nation that this kind of behaviour will not be tolerated on his watch.A wiser approach would be to keep the boys at the school and instead begin an exhaustive programme of sexual and gender counselling for all the boys at the school. They should really do it with their sister school and bring the girls into the conversation.These boys are as much the victims of the boorish sexist culture they have put on display as the girls who are objectified in it.Porn is probably their only real time source of sexual information and it is ubiquitous on their phones. Because porn is now so widely available it has become much more extreme in order to get more eyeballs.When teenage boys look to porn for guidance what they see is a completely unrealistic, garish demonstration of an act that bears no relation to the actual experience of intimacy between two consenting adults.Add to the pornification of popular culture, the relative isolation of these boys from real girls and the result is this picture. Of course they should be punished but a smart school would hear warning bells and take its pastoral role to the next level. Boys will grow up to be men.And unless they learn to question their assumptions about gender and sex, and not take their guidance on these subjects only from porn, they will grow into the chauvinists that perpetrate the gender-based violence that plagues our country or just fall into the comfort of plain old everyday sexism.To avoid perpetuating this dangerous culture that exacts such a cost on our society, they need to learn to talk openly about their feelings and their thoughts which, yes, might very well be predominantly of a sexual nature and learn to take responsibility for their actions.Eventually they will need to learn how to engage with women, not objectified porn women but real ones that also have feelings and inner thoughts and, yes, many of them may very well be of a sexual nature.The only way to break the culture of rape and sexual objectification that prevails in our society is to talk openly about it, and to build positive narratives for kids around their burgeoning sexuality. It is not a dirty secret to be consumed furtively on their phones and laddishly in hysterical laughter.It is a perfectly natural, enjoyable human act that should be engaged with respectfully. If group sex is part of the thing that turns them on that is also okay, but the school owes it to the boys to guide them in finding their sexual identities, not expel them.And headmasters should think: 'There but for the grace of Instagram go I' and take the next step in raising mature adults as opposed to juvenile idiots...