Ireland will be hoping for a Hollywood ending

01 June 2016 - 10:05 By Archie Henderson

When Ireland last played the Springboks at Newlands, actor Colin Farrell was in the visiting team's dressing room after the game commiserating with his countrymen about an unlucky defeat. Those were heady days for a 28-year-old Farrell (he turned 40 yesterday). He was an unknown in our parts and able to drink in the bars of Cape Town's Long Street, a short stroll from his billet at the Mount Nelson, without attracting the paparazzi.He and Salma Hayek were in town to make a movie that is today more memorable for turning the Pinelands High School rugby fields into a credible Depression-era downtown Los Angeles than any lasting legacy of cinematography. The Irish team of that year turned out to be no more substantive than the movie set.For those of us who were at Newlands that Saturday night in the Cape mid-winter, Farrell's condolences in the dressing room would have seemed just another piece of hamming it up for the audience.The Irish had arrived full of the national brio as Triple Crown winners (they had lost only to France, the Grand Slam champions) and their coach, Eddie O'Sullivan, fully expected to beat the Springboks. At Newlands, the Boks, if not entirely on top of their game, were more convincing than Farrell's acting and won 26-17 to take the series 2-0 after a 31-17 win the week before in Bloemfontein.At the time, Farrell was also cavorting with Hayek in the local surf (sadly for him, only for the cameras) and, in his own words, was "young, dumb and full of crap". Both might explain his poor rugby judgment.When the teams meet again next week on the same set, there will be little star quality on either side. Not only will Farrell be missing from the Irish dressing room, but also Brian O'Driscoll, Paul O'Donnell and Ronan O'Gara. Perhaps that explains the low-key approach this time.O'Driscoll would not go further than living in hope. "You always live in hope," the former Irish captain and star player said about playing South Africa at home, where Ireland have never won on four tours over 43 years. But he said that if Ireland won the Newlands Test next week, "we are absolutely capable of beating them [in the three-Test series]".It's hard to get too excited about the Bok chances either. Allister Coetzee, like Jake White 12 years ago against the same opposition, faces his baptism as the Springbok coach. Like White, he will have everything to play for, as is always the case with a first Test of the season at home.The one compliment you could pay Coetzee is that he has broken with the past, looked to the 2019 World Cup rather than just next week, and struck a good balance on transformation. Neither little Fikile Mbalula nor those bigoted rugby trolls on the web can point a finger at him. Every player is there on merit.But I wish there could have been a few more. Why no Raymond Rhule or Oupa Mohoje, who was superb against the Stormers at the weekend? And why not the country's best fullback, Cheslin Kolbe? The official excuse given is that Kolbe has been deployed to the Sevens team. The Rio Olympics be damned, there are rugby Test matches to be won.PS: Eben Etzebeth comes from a long line of wrestlers. An uncle, the late Skattie (a misnomer if ever there was one), was a Springbok grappler. They all would have been impressed with the kid's Greco-Roman antics against Lood de Jager at Newlands on Saturday, but surely it deserved a card of some colour. If only for wasting time...

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