Much to his surprise, my son attends one of the best grammar schools in the country. This is a boy who was resoundingly average at primary school. The teachers accepted this as his natural position, but my husband and I didn't.When Oscar gloomily told his father that he was in the middle maths group, Phil replied, "No you're not."He told our son that he was in the top maths group; he just had to try harder. No one believed that Oscar was capable of what he eventually achieved, except us.I suspect that fiercely believing in our son qualifies us as pushy parents, but not all pushy parents are equal. However, as a breed we aren't popular, because the rest of the population often suspect we'd be willing to trample on the heads of everyone else in order to ensure that our own precious darling succeeds.Indeed, the television show Child Genius has mesmerised the UK less for the fact that these sweet little brainboxes can spell words such as polydactylous (having many digits), and quickly answer sums that stump most adults, than because of the ghastliness of some of their parents.The winner of Child Genius 2016 was, eventually, 10-year-old Rhea, but her triumph, shown this week, was controversial.Her mother Sonal - an obstetrician who has put her career on hold to focus on her children's education - clearly took the competition very seriously. With admirable composure, she objected that a question on Florence Nightingale was too general, earning her daughter an extra point that ensured Rhea's place in the final.This display of naked parental ambition divided viewers. Twitter was alight with comments such as "Well done. Swindled your daughter to the final. Your life's work is complete."Instinctively, many recoil against blindly aspirational parents, who seem so hell-bent on their progeny's victory that they don't give a fig for their feelings. So let us distinguish between the Alpha Pushy, and - as I count myself - the Beta Pushy.Psychologist and teacher Lyn Kendall, Mensa's gifted child consultant, who advised producers on Child Genius, says all parents, regardless of their offspring's ability, should be aspirational on their child's behalf. Though there is, of course, a balance to be struck."It's a very easy cliché, 'pushy parent'. There are parents at both ends of the spectrum," she says."The truth is, as a parent, you need to do something."Kendall has three rules for those with highly intelligent offspring. Her first rule - "teach your children how to lose" - certainly differentiates the pushy parent with perspective from the gimlet-eyed pushy parent fixated on world domination.Gifted children in particular, Kendall says, "cannot deal with failure. They have to be top. It's really important that from an early age they learn to lose in a supportive environment".Secondly, says Kendall, all parents should help their child learn to study. Helping your child to learn is particularly important for the very intelligent.The problem arises because smart kids remain the top of the class with little effort, so teachers and non-pushy parents assume they're fine and consequently, says Kendall, "they never learn how to study. By the time they need to knuckle down and do some work they can't do it."Kendall's third rule for highly intelligent children is to ensure they mix with kids of equal intellect; otherwise, she says, "they feel odd, isolated, and have more difficulty making friends".The fact that it's necessary to stretch children for their own benefit should encourage us to judge pushy parents less harshly.If we aren't our children's champions, who will be?Richard Gerver, a former headmaster and author of Simple Thinking , says most so-called pushy parents are simply supporting their child."Any parent who is loving and wants their child to succeed will support their child, and that includes sometimes pushing them and driving them," he says."For me what always defined a good parent was that they were there to support, occasionally cajole. The only caveat is that it's important a parent doesn't push a child in a direction based on the parent's ambition rather than the child's."- ©The Daily Telegraph..