Sharing the load: Fathering in the new age

15 August 2016 - 11:03 By Radhika Sanghani

Jaron James is refreshingly candid about his reaction to his wife's suggestion that they should share parental leave after the birth of their second child. "I had a very negative response to it, instantly. I thought it would be such hard work and I just wasn't that up for it. I was dreading telling my boss about it and kept thinking, how would it affect my career?"A change in his circumstances at work as a museum photographer, however, left the 41-year-old with "no really good reason to say no".What's hard is when I get to the bottom of my bank balanceIt didn't just make financial sense for his wife Sarah Tomczack to return to her more lucrative role as deputy editor of a magazine; she was also keen, in the interests of equality, for him to have a proper handle on the daily slog - as well as the daily joys - of parenting their two children full-time.So in January, when their youngest daughter was seven months old, James began what was meant to be a four-month stint as a stay-at-home dad to their two children.The shared parental leave system, introduced in the UK in April 2015, entitles working couples to share a year off after the birth of a child. Aside from the initial two weeks - which the mother must take to recover - they can divide the rest between them.But while it was hailed as a breakthrough for equality - giving both parents a chance to bond with their babies and keep their careers on track - there has been a dismal take-up by dads.For many couples contemplating shared parental leave, it seems a simple question of cost: in two-parent families in which both partners work, men are still the main breadwinners, meaning families will lose out financially by the father staying at home.Though the numbers added up for James, his sense of self as a provider took an initial hit."What's hard is when I get to the bottom of my bank balance, then I have to swallow my pride and say to Sarah: 'I've run out of money'."Modern folklore might have it that men are hailed as heroes by other mothers for caring for their own children, but James found it difficult to integrate with the "mum club" at baby groups and classes.His male peers were even more bemused: "If I say I'm not working, people make assumptions. There's a negative connotation about not being at work."Steve Marshall, a 34-year-old civil servant, struggled with similar expectations."I felt like a kind of afterthought or like I'm an intruder. But it also makes me incredibly frustrated. I think there's still very much this perception that looking after children is women's work. But I think that's a very old-fashioned idea," he said.For James, the return to work never came: he has decided to continue being a full-time dad to his two girls for the indefinite future with no regrets."It's been great to spend so much time with the girls and often there's nowhere else I'd rather be."©The Daily Telegraph..

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