Hit List: We'll tell you what you want

Women think men love getting socks - and the brighter the better. But he likes his socks grey and from Woolworths.

WHAT SHE THINKS HE WANTS

PORN, THE TOE KIND

Women think men love getting socks - and the brighter the better. But he likes his socks grey and from Woolworths. If you are going to get him socks, buy him a pair from the Toe Porn range because the name has the word "porn" in it and because you know it's the only kind he'll get this holiday season. Available from toeporn.co.za for R99 a pair

BRAAI ACCESSORY

Because we know it's the only thing that men really desire. Find meat-turning thingies at ieglobal.co.za

A FREE PASS FOR A LAP DANCE AT THE GRAND

You've heard the food is spectacular and you wouldn't want him to miss out. His interest is piqued, but what he really wants is to be in your loving arms all holiday season.

BRUT AFTERSHAVE

Because you think he's stuck in a 1990s locker room - and maybe he is, but the last thing he wants is a reminder of the unfulfilled sexual desires of his youth. Available from clicks.co.za

BEER NECESSITY

OK, you're excited that the lovely design on the Sol bottle could be gracing your Christmas table now that the Mexican cerveza is available here - it's lower in calories and, let's admit it, taste, so the holiday beer boep is kept in check. But he'd rather have a good old Zamalek and he couldn't care less about the belly. Available from makro.co.za for R299.95 a case

WHAT HE REALLY WANTS

PRETENTIOUS WHISKY

Nothing feels better than one-upping your mate who pulls out a bottle of Glenfiddich by pulling out something Japanese that requires a dislocated tongue to pronounce. It can also be re-gifted to your father-in-law after he hears you calling his wife a shrew. Find a Japanese single malt at ww.ngf.co.zaw or whiskybrother.com

FINAL FANTASY XV

This is one of the most iconic gaming franchises in the world and its latest instalment has had more praise than the story of the World Cup as told by Jacob Zuma's praise singer. Just make sure he has a compatible console. Final Fantasy XV Deluxe Edition available from takealot.com for R1,329

A MOTORBIKE

He'll have a blast on it and just imagine how much more fun trips to Harties will be. Also, if you're in the will it will be a nice way to bring your inheritance day forward. www.hdavidson.co.za

A TURNTABLE

Hipsterism is very cool right now which means that everyone and their beard wants a nifty turntable. Available from superbalist.com for R1599

A SPEEDO AKA BUDGIE SMUGGLER

Despite what he would have you think, he actually finds few things more liberating than some polyester cupping his plums as he gallivants in public. Find a range at www.bonewear.com - yes, that's a real site.